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loviingpedri · 2 years ago

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Did You Know I Loved You?

prompt: pedri never forgot you

warnings: cursing, grammar issues. all pictures used are not owned by me. not proofread.

word count: 1735

angst, some fluff

dedicated to all my pedri girlies <3

pedri and you were inseparable. from the day you walked into his parents' restaurant, the air suddenly changed. the town seemed to sparkle in tenerife when you two were exploring the island.

"let's play football," pedri slowly kicked the ball to you.

"it's so hot outside though," you groaned at the thought of kicking a ball in the burning sun.

"pleaseee, i wanna practice just for a little bit." you knew you couldn't say no to him. the decision ended up leaving you playing with him until the moon smiled at the duo.

little did you know, the moon never smiled and the sun never glistened after that day.

———————————————————————

“so what? you’re just gonna leave?” you shouted at pedri in disbelief.

“i can do what i want. you can’t control my decisions for the rest of my life,” he sighed and sat down to control his thoughts. “you knew this was gonna happen. i need to grow my career. i wanted to be in a work environment which i enjoyed. just don’t be so self-centered right now.”

“im self-centered? i didn’t even get a warning you would leave to this big city. you knew for weeks. fer knew for weeks. you said i was your family pedro, and family doesn’t hide things from each other.” the yelling echoed through the house. it was a situation that would never be fixed.

“i cant just tell my best friend that i’m leaving in 2 weeks. it would ruin everything. if you knew, you would’ve changed my mind and i wouldn’t be successful for anything.”

“pedro gonzalez, think for one fucking second. you kept a secret that could’ve changed everything. the moments we had together could’ve been more important than anything. i just needed one warning and this wouldn’t be happening. i don’t give a shit that you want to continue your passion. all i always wanted was for us to be happy.” it took everything in your power to not leave the house after you completely lashed out on him.

you knew deep down you didn’t want him to go because he was your first love. he was your first kiss, first friend, and first person to even talk to you in tenerife. you didn’t know who he was gonna see. you sure did not want him to talk to rich girls blinged out with their designer bags. you were scared shitless of how life would be without him. he was the only person who knew everything about you and what you should do in anxious situations.

then, the tears came. would he visit you? would he ever speak to you? would he write or text you? would you ever see him again? will there be time for the two of you to be together again.

“why are you crying? come on, its not that big of a deal.” he huffed loudly, shaking his head in stress that this was not the way this was suppose to happen.

“pedri, you are leaving to the city. i dont even know if i’ll ever get into contact with you anymore. you’ll have new friends, new people to worry about, and probably gonna knock someone up while you’re at it. can’t you just let me process this for one second.” and that’s when you made a mistake. doubting pedri was never a good idea. especially about the people he loved. especially when it came from the person who he loves the most.

pedri got up and looked at you for one last time. unexpectedly, he walked out the door without a word. you sat there in tears, debating to chase him or just let him go. the sobs fully came out.

———————————————————————

2 years had passed since he left. everyday, he thought about you. “what would y/n do? what would y/n say?” he questioned his decisions by following your mindset everyday. he begged his brother to tell how you were doing. never a word budged from fer since the huge fallout spread throughout the city.

tenerife was never the same. since both lost communication, it felt like the island itself was hopeless.

you, continued to push yourself through school. showing everyone that you would do well without him was your motivation. you’ve worked so hard to prove yourself to people that you had a job offer in barcelona.

of course, you accepted the job. people were upset that their beautiful youngin was finally moving on in life. moving into your modern apartment was like a fever dream. you’ve had your doubts, but it was definitely worth it. everyday, there would be news of pedri. pedri, barcelona’s best midfielder. pedri, one of the best young players in the world. pedri, the guy who gets every spanish girl all over him. hell, a video of him was going viral for taking a girl’s number and putting it into his pocket. obviously, it was implied that he would never have a single thought about you. fuck, it was stupid to even try to reach out for him.

after sitting in your living room while trying to find something to entertain yourself that wasn’t pedri related, you decided to go out for once. there seemed so much to do in the city instead of being lazy at home. walking for ages in the wind, you finally found a small cafe to rest. ordering your latte and sitting down, your thoughts were interrupted by a boy.

“excuse me, are you y/n?” said a boy that was not too much younger than you.

“yes i am,” you nodded your head slowly before taking a slow sip. it was a little awkward considering he looked at you in shock.

“i’m sorry. i’m pablo gavi. or known as gavi. you’re the person on pedri’s lock screen. he always talks about you during practice. holy shit, i never thought i would meet you. are you visiting him?”

what the fuck just happened. pedri still remembers me? why am i his lock screen? why does he talk about me? what does he say? for a moment, you sat there trying to understand what he said. gavi, confused on why you’re frozen in time, waved his hand in front of your face to make sure you’re okay.

“oh no, i’m not visiting. pedri and i don’t really talk anymore,” you shook your head and forced a little smile. only to ease the tension of gavi’s then saddened look.

“that’s weird. he talks about you like you’re his girlfriend or something. i thought you were doing long distance,” he shrugged his shoulders. “maybe you should visit camp nou. i think he’ll be happy to see you.”

quickly, you rejected his offer. “oh no, we exactly didn’t end off our friendship in the best terms. i think it’s better if we just don’t see each other again.”

“i insist. i’ll give you my number and i’ll text you all the details.” he took his arm giving you his phone. you bowed your head in defeat and put your phone number in.

unfortunately, everyone’s eyes had been on you and gavi.

———————————————————————

the next morning, your phone was blown up in notifications. your best friend constantly texting you on how you’re viral on twitter. paparazzi snapped pictures of your interaction with gavi.

“fuck.” you mumbled before groaning in defeat. you knew you had faced defeat in keeping a low-profile.

gavi, you knew, was for sure fucked. if pedri had seen the pictures, he was definitely getting beat up.

during practice, gavi kept his best to avoid his best friend. when pedri came up to him, he quickly turned pale.

“what’s wrong with you? you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” pedri patted him on his back with a small laugh. gavi sighed in relief. he’s glad to have all his teeth and no black eye before the game.

“yeah, i’m fine.” and that’s when everything wasn’t. balde came up to him, rubbing his head and patting him.

“so, who’s the new girl? it’s all over the internet and not a word from you.” fuck you balde was the first thought that came to gavi’s head. gavi’s head was pounding. he didnt know what to say, how to react, or what to do.

“wow gavi. what other secrets are you keeping from us. let me see the picture balde.” pedri laughed even harder from the thought of gavi even approaching a girl. at that moment, gavi had to remind himself that he wasn’t 9 anymore. he couldn’t just simply run and cry his way out of this. luckily, balde only showed pedri the picture from the window. when you were facing towards him and could only see him offering his phone. gavi’s blood started to circulate again and his heart rate slowed.

“i cant really see her face, but she looks so familiar to me.” well no shit jackass. that was the girl you’ve been in love with since second grade. in fact, she’s sitting on the side waiting for you.

———————————————————————

your heart was about to jump out in any second. you sat there for two hours for them to be finished with training. each time pedri walked towards your direction, your nerves would start running around. luckily, he didnt see you a single time.

gavi texted you from the locker room that he was coming towards your direction. you never expected this to be happening. you were debating to run away, but your feet forced you to stay. you knew your mind was fighting to hate him, yet your heart convinced you to see him. even if it was the last time. finally, you heard footsteps coming.

pedri was wiping the sweat off his face. he came to a full stop. he thought he was hallucinating. he thought it was a dream. he stared at you for which felt like minutes. admiring your facial features, you sat there frozen. it was harder to read his facial expressions now. did he want you to leave? did he want you there? why isn’t he saying anything?

what felt like years, he started walking towards you. again, your nerves were still jumping. eventually, he made his way in front of you. suddenly, he smiled.

“holy shit you’re beautiful.” the state of confusion turned into love with one simple kiss. your lips connecting made the world happier. the air cleared. the atmosphere was different.

it felt peaceful.

———————————————————————

author’s note: hi everyone! i’m so glad you enjoyed my first story let’s be tourists. this is my second time i’m writing on tumblr, so im still getting use to it. i will be taking requests once i figure out how to set it up. please let me know if you have any suggestions on what i could improve on. thank you for all of the support !!! <3

#pedri gonzalez #pedri #pedri x reader #pedri imagine #fc barcelona #pedri x you #pedri x y/n #pedri gonzalez imagine #pedri gonzalez x reader #pedri gonzalez x you #pedri fanfic #pedri angst

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ironrea · 27 days ago

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IRONREA’S 𝒫𝐼𝑅𝒜𝒯𝐸 𝒟𝑅

answering @cosmocreates464 asks!!

⊹ 🕰️ CHILDHOOD ECHOES — ✶ do you have the same childhood in your dr, or is it different?

a bit different, but a bit of the same. okay, it’s a lot different.. the time period is not that of the 21st century but is the 18th century. so no phones, no tvs, not even an american politician in sight. do you still have rights? yes, of course, i made sure of that.. anyway, i swayed off from the question.

my parents are the same as this reality but i dont communicate with them anymore. i grew up in a small wooden house shack instead of a furnished clean house with actual floors. i didnt attend school past my teenage years but i did have a longing for learning. i often snuck and stole any books i happened to come across and read them under the shade of any tree i found myself comfortable under. i was desperate for freedom away from the confines of my family. if i wasnt reading, you could probably find me swimming in any body of water i could locate or running through a forest thinking i could talk to the animals there. though as i grew older, these whispers of pirates grew louder. they weren’t common in my area and most shoved the tales off as if they were nothing. but me, i grew fascinated. little did i know, id be one of them soon…

⊹ 🛍️ TREAT YOURSELF — ✶ what’s the coolest thing you own in your dr that you don’t have in your cr?

oh my, so many things! first off, of course, a pirate ship, i mean you don’t see those everyday here. also, my wardrobe isn’t composed of jeans or tee shirts or running shoes, but rather heavy coats, loose fitting tops, elegant jewelry, boots and when i feel like it… yes… a pirate hat. fast fashion jewelry has never been uttered in a sentence here before, as i’m covered in silver and precious stones that don’t rust after the oceans touch. now, how could i be a true pirate if i didn’t prove the stories to be true, obviously my boat does have chests of treasures stored away. money is not green paper but instead golden coins. weapons like pistols and grenades also fill the inventory. and on the top of my list, it’s my favorite, my baby, my prized possession, my sword. made of iron and a hilt in the color of black, this is the one thing i’ll never trade. handy in battle and makes me look more intimidating than before. but seriously, almost everything i own in my pirate life is something i’ve never met in this reality.

⊹ ⏳ TIMELESS WONDER — ✶ how does time work in your dr? is it linear, fluid, or something else entirely?

time is such a funny thing to me. because it’s not real. in my opinion, time is whatever you choose it to be. but enough of my theorization, this is about my dr. in this reality, we’re almost always near a screen. because of that, we always have access to check what time it is. as i’m getting ready to post this, the world is telling me it’s 2:16. as a pirate, you don’t have a phone and the only time you care about is having a good one. if you wanted to know what hour you were in while sailing your ship, youre more than likely checking the sun and the stars. their location will tell you what you want to know. i’d say time is fluid. on a boat, days are often the same. you wake in the same ship on the same waves you fell asleep listening to. you leave you chambers and see the same view of endless water ahead of you. did you last leave land two days ago or three? was it a week ago or yesterday?

anyways, i hope these were good answers, i sometimes feel as if i just go on and on about whatever and forget the actual question…

#shiftblr #shifting #shifters #reality shifter #shifting community #reality shifting #spirituality #reality shift #shifting blog #ask game #shifting realities #shifting antis dni #shifting motivation #pirate dr #pirate shifting #realityshifting #desired reality #law of assumption

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thelittletobsterthatcould · 7 months ago

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Chimney Rock is flooded. The town, the entire town of Chimney Rock if GONE. Asheville is cut off from the world, all the bridges that lead into the city are flooded. My mother’s house + her mother are some of the only standing houses in their neighborhood. The rest have been crushed by fallen trees and power lines. They have no power, electricity and little contact with the people near them and are housing 10+ people each. Plus pets.

The only aid my mother, brother (who still lives with my mother) and grandmother—who already live in a rural area is from a local dairy farm and one guy who own a helicopter. Trees and power lines are blocking the only road in and out. They have to walk over 13 miles on foot to get basic supplies and support. All these people have no way to contact their family members who are stuck in their own homes. My family lives in lower income area, lots of trees and nature, and my brother is the youngest person there at 20, my mother is in her 40s and the second youngest.

I’ve seen no news coverage about this, and I know there’s more people and families both alive and dead who are trapped and suffering and are getting zero news coverage about it—even on a local level. I’m sure there’s more, and it’s worse, much worse than I can ever convey but I’m just trying to spread the word. I’m lucky to live with my dad in an area that already has, electricity, power, access to food etc., we have no way to get to my family (all the roads are blocked and the roads that are flooded).

And I (personally) think it stems from the idea that people have of the south. “Oh well why didn’t they just leave??” APPALACHIA IS ONE OF THE MOST POVERISHED REGIONS IN AMERICA THEOR ECONOMY IS COAL AND TOURISM. THESE ARE REGULAR EVERYDAY HARDWORKING PEOPLE.

“They still could have left!!” THERE ARE FUCKING MOUNTAINS!!! MY FAMILY LIVES IN THE UPSTATE AND THEY ARE ALMOST COMPLETELY CUT OFF FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD!! I HAVE SPENT TWO DAYS WORRYING FOR MY FAMILY WONDERING IF THEY WERE ALIVE!!!WONDERING IF MY PHYSICALLY DISABLED GRANDFATHER WHO LIVES EVEN FURTHER IN THE COUTRY THAN THEN IS ALIVE!!

PEOPLE ARE STUCK!! PEOPLE ARE TRAPPED WITH NO ACCESS TO A HOSPITAL!!! TENNESSEE WAS HIT, THEY AREN’T NEAR THE FUCKING COAST!!! WHY WOULD THEY EXPECT TO GET HIT??? ENTIRE TOWNS DONT EXSIST ANYMORE!!!

AND NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT IT OTHER THAN OTHER SOUTHERNERS!! BUT IF THIS HURRICANE HIT THE NORTH PEOPLE WOULD TALK ABOUT FOR WEEKS, BE DEVASTATED AND OFFER AND AID THEY CAN!! BUT BECAUSE ITS HITTING THE SOUTH NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT IT OTHER THAN US!!!

I learned a long time ago about the concept of mountain strong. And I really truly believe it not, our government has failed us and we only have each other to help each other out. For the days leading up to this, we heard about the impact and to be ready if we some wind and rain. I can’t get a reliable source of contact with my mother, brother, grandmother and maternal grandfather. The only reason I know their alive is because someone at the dairy farm had my dads email address and sent him an email.

Have you ever lived in fear of your family—a reasonable size for my family too—being dead? Have you ever stayed up for two night and eaten a can of beans for dinner over a camping stove only to throw it back up because your so afraid of your family being dead? Have you ever cried so hard you threw up and passed out because you were scared your last conversation with any of them ended in a fight?? And have you ever had to see the exact storm that they built up for weeks get no news coverage??? Can you imagine the fear??? The anger??

So yeah, I’m pissed as hell. And I don’t know if this will get any traction, or if anyone will read all this, but I need to spread the word any way I can.

#hurricane #hurricane helene #south east #have you ever faced the fact your family could be dead

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that-hippie-user · 2 months ago

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my mattress now permanently knows my secret. Hope it keeps it well because it’s a really nice mattress but it’s so clear I peed it

how did you tell them? you’re an impressive person

time for another LONGPOST so indulge me for a moment while i ramble

well, with my dad it was a long time coming. :( i had this fear of him passing one day never knowing, and id be left never finding out if he'd accept me for who i am.

one day, after... escaping a traumatic time in my life, me and him were splitting cost for a hotel room to beat the heat. summer was wicked hot, we lived in texas at the time, and he was living in a car with no AC, so it was a welcome reprieve.

i decided that would be the week i tell him, i even wrote down a little mock contract to myself and signed it to make it happen.

:( it was a dark time in my life. i had just escaped some terrible abuse, i just got approved for disability, i was living in a shitty apartment my mom owned, and trying to figure out what to do in life.

but i knew i wanted to heal, and i knew healing meant getting in touch with my ab/dl side. so, after working up the nerve to buy a teddy bear (who i keep to this day) i knew it was inevitable.

i pulled up a website explaining diaper fetish and paraphilic infantilism. i adjusted the text size on my phone so dad could read it easier.

i showed it to him, and his response was "why would you ever be ashamed of this?" saying that what makes me comfortable is my business.

.... XD but imma put a BIG asterix there * cuz some years later it would come up in discussion again in a VERY different way. i'll sum up.

Me: yeah, love my friends. its nice to have folks to talk about my kink with.

Dad: kink?

Me: yeah?

Dad: how do you mean kink?

Me: you know, the diaper thing?

Dad: i thought that was a fetish.

Me: it... is? those words are synonyms.

Dad: no, a fetish is like an obsession you got, like some people do with feet. a kink is like... something you like about your partner or something you do with them in bed. getting spanked is kinky, me admiring a womans back is kinky.

Me: yeah, okay, i get that, but how is that different from a fetish?

Dad: a fetish isnt sexual.

Me: ...yes, it is. thats what fetish means.

Dad: ...i'm confused, you find diapers sexy?

Me: i mean... yeah?

Dad: how does... why would that be sexy? how does someone use it for sex things?

Me: idk, off the top of my head... masturbate while wearing one?

Dad: wouldnt that get in the way though? thats so cumbersome.

Me: idk what to tell you, its a sensory thing, we like the feeling and the noise they make.

Dad: and you and your friends share this.

Me: yeah, we do.

Dad: ... i'm gonna be honest, if i knew thats what it was about, i might have said it was a little weird and not to bring that up around people. but, you do you.

Me: well, seemed to work out okay.

Dad: sure sure, just be careful. dangerous world for trans people, dont want you getting hurt.

Me: thanks, i'll be careful.

XD so, okay, that was a bit weird to talk about years after my tense as hell confession and insane relief at his unconditional love.

:P but hey, he knows it makes me happy and has no judgement for it.

XD hilariously, before my big move, he had to wear one of my spars (he doesnt normally wear, it was just a bad day for him physically and he wanted a precaution.), and after the fact he admitted-

"i didnt realize there were diapers this comfortable. i think i understand you a bit better. the part about feeling comfy in them anyway."

:3 so yeah, long road to this point but now i got no fear of shame from my dad.

XD as for my mom, much more mundane. she saw me coming out about it on an older tumblr of mine, we talked briefly about it in the car, she gets it.

.w. my mom kinda got her own thing goin on in the kink community, so THAT doesnt suprise me anymore. my family is strange.

XD gonna cease rambling now, my life story could fill a trilogy of books, and im only in my late 20s!

point is, my fam is mostly accepting.

#ab/dl #ab/dl diaper #ab/dl community #ab/dl lifestyle

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o-xurxur-o-sosoj · 4 months ago

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I recently experienced the most intense somatic + mental shift Ive had in years.

Coincidentally I am now no longer going to be present at family functions where my younger sister-(not)-in-law is going to be, because I would catch some assault charges. :V

Shifts for me, especially when I was a preteen first awakening to them, were very intense and often triggered by people violating my boundaries or purposefully upsetting me. One time, when I was like 13, I remember being smacked really hard in the back during a play fight, blacking out in rage/pain, and coming back to, only to find i had done something to that friend who hit me and made her cry. She caught my teeth *hard* another time when she participated in holding me down and shoving grass up my nose.

And I got in-school suspension for biting a kid i knew so hard that he bruised multiple colors for a week or two -- he took something from a friend, held it up to taunt me, triggered my chase instinct, and then made me get creative to make him drop it- which always ends in teeth.

Therianthropy has always been a thing that I've had to mask and control in order to not get in trouble with humans around me. I have to hide it actively, not passively. And now I cant see my evil monster of a SIL because if I hear her talk about administering ABA "therapy" or being racist or sexist or ableist or whatever the fuck, I WILL attack her. This is like, advanced levels of bullshit she puts out, and Im no longer allowes to see her.

Because the last time I heard about her bullshit, I shifted, and my gaze changed, and my pupils actually narrowed to an absolute pinprick as I felt my vision tunnel and focus on my QPP telling me about his sister. He said I looked like an animal about to attack, and he felt afraid and not sure what to do. I *felt* like an animal about to attack. My body knew what to do when I heard something that made me feel like attacking someone, and narrowed my pupils to focus on my prey. It was kind of wild.

But uh. Yeah this is a thing, in case anyone else out there is struggling to feel seen in having similar shifts to mine. Ones that are about the hunt, the predatory drive, self defense, but all end in teeth and claws and sometimes severe consequences. Im not gonna glorify attacking people, but I will be frank about how often I have bitten people in response to being fucked with, or blacked out and hurt people bc they hurt me so bad the pain made me go berserk.

Shifts for me are often triggered by anger and self defense, come out in the form of me looking like an actual aggro'd predator animal, and are something I had to learn to control. Thats just how it is for some of us. This is why we need acceptance and support now, because animalfolk like us are gonna be the first on the chopping block, and are even stigmatized within our own communities. We're the ones who need the "coping with and control of therianthropy" resources the most, and those just dont seem to exist anymore? :(

#alterhuman #therian #holothere #berserker shift #not sure if i consider it that but ppl in that tag might relate anyway #mental shift #somatic shift

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bridgyrose · 8 months ago

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Weiss is upset her mom got turned into a werewolf

But not as upset as she is that Ruby dumped her for her mother

(For obvious reasons, I'm not going to be doing Ruby x Willow as a ship. Though, I still think I stayed true to the prompt for the most part)

“Ruby, this is ridiculous,” Weiss said as she pinched the bridge of her nose. It was bad enough that she was talked into coming back to Atlas to visit family, but even this was a bit much. “I know things arent exactly going as we had planned, but please think this over.”

“And I have thought it over,” Ruby answered. “I’ve thought about this over the week we’ve been here. I dont have those feelings for you like I used to.”

“We can work all of this out.”

Ruby closed her suitcase and sighed. “And we tried. We’ve tried for years to make this work and we’ve grown apart. I need someone who can be there by my side on missions. And your mom… she… she understands what I want.”

Weiss took a deep breath and wiped away a couple stray tears from eyes. “Fine, if you want to go after her, then by all means do so. But she’s just going to use you. Just like she does everyone else.”

“I’m sorry Weiss.”

Weiss waved her off and flinched when she heard the door close. Ever since Jacques died and her mother started to come into her own, life had become… complicated. Sure, Willow wasnt as bad as bad as Jacques, but she still used others in her own way. Sleeping around for money and power, taking risks she normally wouldnt… she could understand finding freedom but this was a bit much.

All because she was turned into a werewolf.

Weiss gripped the sheets on her bed, fingers shaking. Her family legacy as hunters keeping humanity safe from monsters worse than grimm, thrown away without a second thought. It almost seemed like it was just a game to Willow. To see how far she could drag the Schnee name until they lost everything.

She finally picked herself up and off her bed, stormed out of her bedroom and made her way down the manor halls to find her mother. Her hand went to the hilt of the rapier that sat on her hip as she power walked through the halls, focused on her task. She would do whatever it took to win Ruby back, even if she had to kill her own mother to do it.

Once Weiss made it to the master bedroom, she threw open the door and pulled her rapier off her hip. “Mother, we need to talk.”

Willow smiled with a toothy grin, sharpened canines on display as she stood up. White-silver fur lined the wolf ears on top of her head and the tail she sported. “Of course, dear, anything you want.”

“We… we need to fix our family reputation,” Weiss struggled to say as she watched her mother. It was easy to say that Willow was more monster than person anymore, whoever, there was a part of her that couldnt seem to move forward with her plan. “We need to start defending those who cant defend themselves from monsters-”

“And which… monsters… do you refer to, Weiss?” Willow cut Weiss off with a growl. Her smile faded as she made her way behind her daughter, running claw-like nails down her arms. “Grimm? Atlas hasnt had to worry about them in years and there’s enough huntresses around to keep people safe.” She paused and lowered her voice to a harsh whisper. “Or are you talking about people like me?”

Weiss took a deep breath to calm herself and turned around to face her mother, hands shaking as she held her rapier to her mother’s chest. “You know exactly what I mean.”

“But tell me, my dear daughter, do you really believe in that reputation? In the name that Jacques created? Dont you want to live your own legacy? To be free?”

Weiss froze and dropped her rapier as she watched her mother shift into a wolf right before her eyes. Of course she had forgotten the full moon was tonight. And yet, no matter how many times she’d faced werewolves and vampires, she couldnt find it in herself to kill her mother. Instead, all she could do was stare at the beast in front of her until she felt her mother’s teeth sink down into her arm.

The next thing Weiss remembered was waking up in the streets of Mantle, clothes torn as she shakily picked herself up. Her legs felt like jello as she took each wobbling step, leaning against the buildings to keep her balance. Her stomach growled and her mouth started to water as she smelled meat cooking from a nearby diner.

She froze as she stopped by a mirror and finally caught her reflection. A fresh, scarred bite mark from a wolf stood against her skin, the telltale sign that she had become one of the monsters that she had hunted. She traced the scar with her fingers, wincing with how tender it still felt. A solemn sigh left her lips as she continued onward for breakfast… and to make a new plan to get Ruby back.

#rwby #weiss schnee #rwby ruby rose #ruby rose #willow schnee #werewolf!willow #drabbles

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away-ward · 1 year ago

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im sorry for this rant KO, but why on earth is the bonus content for nightfall is the start of the horsemen? Like omfg. I really dont need it to exist because i like the mystery of them. Why can't we just have a willemmy bonus 😭 i'm so fucking upset. I initially wanted to pre-order the paperback but thinking about that whole alex drama in BC, i didn't, thank the lord for that! But i was still hoping for a willemmy bonus or maybe a will or emmy's back story, but we're getting to see Damon, A-FUCKING-GAIN? How many fucking bonus do we have to see him??! Fuck, i'm so upset, idk who to rant this with because i don't talk about this series to anybody irl.

Excerpt from PD's insta:

DAMON GRABS HIS JACKET OFF THE COURT AND PULLS IT ON AS HE LEAVES.

"YOU OKAY?" MICHAEL ASKS KAI.

BUT KAI JUST GESTURES TO DAMON WHO PUSHES THROUGH THE HEAVY DOUBLE DOORS. "I TOLD YOU, MAN," HE BLURTS OUT TO MICHAEL. "HE'S TROUBLE."

"NO," MICHAEL QUICKLY RETORTS, LOOKING IN THE DIRECTION DAMON LEFT. "HE'S AN ENFORCER, KAI."

HIS FRIEND STARES AT HIM.

"AND EVERY TEAM NEEDS ONE," MICHAEL ADDS, DROPPING THE BASKETBALL INTO KAI'S HANDS. "TELL THE COACH I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

end-

🥲 ngl, i'm so sick of damon's appearance, at this point not only his character wasn't my fav, pd over-pushing him makes me really hate him now. "He's the enforcer" ughhhh, and when did this branding ever came up in the devil's night series? I only remember this point being discussed here on your blog of your meta about damon's character and his implicit role in their friend group and family. Istg i really never saw his role being discussed and branded like this anywhere, so the only place it could happen was in the private chat's of their pendragon fb group or between PD and their editor/most trusted beta readers. Istg the pettier side of me feels like some of PD's fb group fans saw your discussion posts here with other anons and told on PD, then they got inspired by you ideas about "his role" in the family. Which in theory, i don't see much wrong from it, but truly, where did this role establishment and branding came from? And ofc in PD's fashion, they had to rebrand Damon's role to be positive and borderline inspiring 🙄

and fuck, who cares about logic right? Definitely not PD when they kept on writing A and meaning B in their stories, but kept on being pissed off when readers understood it as A. 🤡

at this point, i'm not even excited anymore for this bonus content. I genuinely thought something good will come out of it, but with their opinion of willemmy a few weeks ago, and now with this. Idk. But I just know and fully sure now that PD just wanted to avoid the alex-aydin-will-emmy qna discussion extra materials, because they knew they fucked that one up, and many readers hated it, and so they probably want to just bury that shit and move past it. So of course, we'll never gonna get a willemmy bonus content. Ugh. I can't fault them for wanting to move on, but for someone who wnats to move on so bad and ignore the uncomfy parts of their own mistake in writing, they sure as hell is still be talking and hinting at this series from time to time especially for their most fav characters 🙄

but fr KO, it really left a sour taste in my mouth when an author behaves like this. Penelope Douglas is just so, ugh, idk. At this point ideky i'm still hoping for them to be better tbh when they've always been known to be problematic, like they're always just so disappointing. I need to detach my feelings for books i like to read with their authors, because i'm just gonna end up upset like this. But it's so hard!!! Especially when they're indies and you like some parts of the things they put out, and can't always find it anywhere else. Ughhh. i heard that series by Monty Jay was giving DN, so i might check it out, and i really hope it's better.

+ when you get a reach of the bonus materials, will you be sharing them here and share your thoughts and opinions about them? I'm a big yapper and i just wanna yap with somebody about it frfr.

Hey. Oh man, I feel your pain.

I really dont need it to exist because i like the mystery of them. Why can't we just have a willemmy bonus

Ohh, I wish I was with you on this but I’m actually excited about it. As someone who wants to understand these characters better, and who absolutely goes bonkers over character origin stories, this is right up my alley. I never expected any kind of Willemmy scene, so maybe I’m not as disappointed as I would be otherwise.

From what I heard, there are some willemmy scenes in this origin story though! So not all hope is lost (although I don’t know how it’s supposed to make sense, since I’ve also heard that this starts during their freshmen year and Emmy’s a year younger so… but whatever. I’m just happy for the moments!)

I am so sorry that this isn’t what you wanted!

Istg the pettier side of me feels like some of PD's fb group fans saw your discussion posts here with other anons and told on PD, then they got inspired by you ideas about "his role" in the family. Which in theory, i don't see much wrong from it, but truly, where did this role establishment and branding came from?

As much as this idea tickles me, the fact is that this was probably written months ago, and I only really had that discussion with in the past few weeks. More than likely, we were just picking up on something PD was implying the entire time.

But I just know and fully sure now that PD just wanted to avoid the alex-aydin-will-emmy qna discussion extra materials, because they knew they fucked that one up, and many readers hated it, and so they probably want to just bury that shit and move past it.

I’m still holding out of that pinterest board and discussion questions (though, it may be a lost cause). It just seems so stupid that they’d withhold those two things since they’re so minor compared to the bonus scene.

they sure as hell is still be talking and hinting at this series from time to time especially for their most fav characters

Coming from a writer’s perspective, it’s hard to let your favs go. Long after the other characters stop “speaking” to you, your favs come back. You still see them doing stuff. And PD is proud of the series, so of course they’re not going to bury it.

But yes, I agree that the fandom has been pretty loud about wanting some more willemmy content for some closure, and it shouldn’t be this hard to sit and think about the characters and deliver something, just to be kind to your readers and fans. I can’t say why PD is so resistant to it, but that’s for them to know.

i heard that series by Monty Jay was giving DN, so i might check it out, and i really hope it's better.

I had to look it up, and I’m assuming you’re speaking about the hollow boys? I haven’t read it, but if you do get around to it, I hope you enjoy it.

Regarding PD, I hardly ever look into the background of an author or give them a second thought. I also have never had the desire to contact an author, or do meet and greets or anything, that’s just me. So, I’ve never had the issue of needing to detach a work from an author, but I can see the struggle.

+ when you get a reach of the bonus materials, will you be sharing them here and share your thoughts and opinions about them? I'm a big yapper and i just wanna yap with somebody about it frfr.

I absolutely will share my thoughts, of course! I might do a reading react, or just a summary of my thoughts, whatever feels right. Again, I feel for your frustration and disappointment. The let down is never easy, but you'll read better books in the future. This isn't the last of it for you. So look forward to finding your next favorite read.

-KO

#asked and answered 293 #asked and answered #ko's dns tag #series discussion

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razzle-zazzle · 21 days ago

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(Long winded anon from before) Hiccup doing a loud double take at Snoutlout being alive is gonna make me cry. these guys are such jerks to each other but man do they care deep down. hiccup's so happy that snotlout made it :') if only they had a better relationship i'm sure they'd both be able to relate to the idea that their bodies don't feel quite the same or even fully their own anymore.

(btw i love your nuanced spitelout take from the tags. i think he's really interesting both as a character and as a figure who's really messed up his son, he needs studied for how efficiently he's a bad father tbh.)

honestly the Snotlout mental breakdown my brain gave me was kinda a mess so sorry if it doesnt make sense.

but i imagine that snotlout was really raw after the heather report 1&2. first cause heather stole the scales (which even if he hates them low key they're HIS), then because he didnt even get a choice to tell everyone. their biggest enemies in the moment found out and then his five closest friends, bad order for any reveal honestly.

yeah it worked out and they got Heather and her family out of there and safe again. his friends even took the shifting thing okay but the fact that this part of himself that he feels deep shame for is out in the open feels like something that would only make him crank the obnoxious attitude to a thousand.

thus making everyone's ability to do math about his trauma ten thousand times harder. also i dont know that he'd realise that no one realised yet that he was the dragon in the arena. he'd be on pins and needles waiting for someone to mention it again making him go through it not realising that by worrying about it he was alreadying reliving it without them even mentioning it.

To me his emotional constipation was part of what made the scene in my brain so devestating, cause everyone would be talking about the events of the movie with hiccup super curious about his toothless bonding not realising that every time they talk about the arena and that 'missing strange nightmare' that its him. untill of course astrid does the math and tries to talk to about with him.

Astrid may of course also be emotionally constipated but she understands that this might be a personal thing for him. so i think she'd try to apologise for busting his hand up pretty bad only for Snotlout to brush it off agressively.

also i think fishlegs would make a dig or two about it it uninentionally. cause in rob and dob he goes through an arc where he becomes more confident but also lowkey hates snotlout for while so he probably wasnt being careful with his words, plus without knowing that snotlout was in the arena him mentioning the 'weird nightmare' he wants to study could easily sound like a threat.

to me it'd be the twins that accidentally pushed him into the semi public breakdown in front of the friendgroup. they'd make one to many jokes about his weeks 'surviving in the woods' and snotlout thinking that they are mocking him would snap. cause i think he realised how paper thin that story was too. it makes sense when you dont think about it or don't know he can shift but the second they all learned he could he probably felt like the dragon was out of the bag so to speak.

in my brain he just had this huge emotional word vomit about how none of them respect him. and how they all dont care about him and that clearly they just want the firepower for the team. not him and in general i think he'd just be shouting at them for awhile about how he feels but in the way he does in not lout where he just says stuff like 'i wont be on the streets!' without telling them AT ALL how he came to that conclusion.

OUGH AUGH OUGHHHHH I AM EATING THESE WORDS UP OW OW OUGHHHHHHHHH

Hiccup was definitely surprised! Flabbergasted, even! And also a little (kind of a lot) thrown off by how out of character Snotlout is. He definitely walks away from that interaction going "o... kay..." before refocusing on the task he originally set out to do.

(I really do think exploring Spitelout as a person is way more interesting than reducing him to "Snotlout's shitty dad". He sucks and I want him away from Snotlout but he's also still a character in his own right. and I can use that suckage to my own ends >:]]]c)

I mean, breakdowns do tend to be pretty messy, don't they?

And yeah Snotlout is SO UPSET after "The Heather Report II", yeah he kind of finally gets the hang of flying but like. Ohhhh you hit the nail on the head he is NOT having a good time! And also this is the point where he realizes that damage to his scales will hurt him!

IT DOESSSS HE GETS SO OBNOXIOUS ABOUT IT. Initially he's blustering about being fine and snapping at everyone to drop it when they try to bring up the shapeshifting, then he's bragging about how awesome it is to be a dragon even as he's angrily stuffing the scales back into a satchel. He's so so obnoxious you're right.

Hiccup recognizes that Snotlout's the small arena nightmare right away! Though immediately after stating this he asks if this is the reason why the small arena nightmare refused to do the hand trick: because Snotlout was messing with him? And Snotlout snickers because he does think it's pretty funny that every time Hiccup tried to connect with his dragon form Snotlout's outright ignored him just be a shit. Which of course derails the conversation away from the kill ring!

OUGH. AUGH. Astrid does realize that if Snotlout was the small arena nightmare, and if she broke the small arena nightmare's wing-claws, then -> she's the one who broke Snotlout's knuckles, and she does try to apologize, but Snotlout cranks up the obnoxiousness so bad because he doesn't want to really confront the memory that Astrid's bringing up. He uses her apology as an excuse to flirt and she knocks him on his ass. Neither of them learned a thing from this encounter.

Fishlegs makes less comments about Snotlout's dragonself and more general comments about how Snotlout sucks. He probably does at one point make a pointed comment about how Snotlout's "an insult to the intelligence and strength of dragons", though.

Post-reveal the twins spend a LOT of time trying to goad Snotlout into turning into a dragon for various schemes (or just because they wanna see it). This is both incredibly annoying for Snotlout AND feeds into his ego, as the twins are wont to do. And AUGH AUGHH THE TWINS MAKING JOKES ABOUT SNOTLOUT'S "TIME IN THE WOODS" OUGHHHH

OUGH AUGH. OH I CAN SEE THAT. MAYBE NOT IN RIDERS BUT DEFINITELY IN DEFENDERS I CAN SEE THIS BREAKDOWN HAPPENING. OUGHHHHHHHHHHH

#ask zaz #how to train your dragon #hidden talons au #snotlout jorgenson #snotlout's argument with hiccup in ''defiant one'' is kind of a breakdown!!!#kind of. it's just as much an agrument and it's just as much focused on snotlout's jealousy at hiccup's accomplishments #but it's still very much informed and charged by his experiences in the kill ring and how he's been bottling a lot of those feelings up #riders is mostly snotlout getting used to being a dragon in between all the other plot stuff #defenders is when we get into the emotional meat of it all #and then ofc in rtte snotlout's more comfortable with being a dragon to the point where his hide is a proper cloak with a clasp #(though a cloak is still fairly easy to remove...)#but rtte is also probably where the gang would finally properly meet the dragon that gave snotlout his scales in the first place #+ other fun changes due to snotlout being able to turn into a dragon (looks at last auction heroes and defenders of the wing)#this ask was very lovely btw <3333 #took me forever to answer bc i kept going back to read it again

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cupoftaae · 2 years ago

Text

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ please hold my hand (chapter 11)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 6k

chapter warnings- swearing, fighting, so much fucking angst omg, anxiety, panic attack, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of body issues, mentions of abortion.

author note- Hey guys, apologies on the delayed posting, life has yet to calm down for me and im writing in my free time to try and distract me, (free time which is very limited) I wrapped up my semester and now im getting a job, recently someone close to me passed and on top of that im dealing with family fights and shit, so ive been trying to not rip my hair out. I love all of you guys so much and appreciate you for reading my stories, i know im a smaller author on here just writing silly bts fics and stuff but I find comfort in having a small community on here that I can run to when I need to just get away from everyone irl. Sorry for the blabbling but yes- bottom line is I just appreciate you all so much <3 feel free to ever message me anytime if you need someone to talk to, im here always.

enjoy the chapter!

Taehyung knew you were off

something wasnt right and he knew it, but he also knew to give you time to come to him on your own.

The next morning he sat with you in the bathroom, it was pretty early and birds could be heard outside chirping as the sun rose.

"so....whats going on?" he asked

You woke up first, trying (Failing) to come up with some way to explain that you are pregnant, he heard you pacing the room and stress organizing random shit, so he awoke too.

"nothing"

He frowned, "but last night you told me you wanted to talk" he gently reached out and pulled you closer to him, your eyes glued to the floor.

"oh that..i um...."

its now or never.

Do it.

tell him.

Tell him you are pregnant, we're gonna have a ba-

"i was wondering when I could have my phone back" you blurbed out

His eyes sank to yours, "Y/N...." he sighed, "when we get back to Busan"

"but i just want to check stuff...really quickly" you looked at him, eyes wide

"i dont think thats a good idea"

"why not?"

"because of everything that is going on...you dont need to get hurt by Kaito and his stupid ass friends anymore than you already have"

"but-"

"no" he shushed, "those rumors are only rumors and will die down soon, fuck that school....just enjoy the rest of the week with me" he softly whispered, pressing the lightest kiss to your lips as you frowned.

sure, it was an excuse to cover up the actual problem at hand, but you really did want your phone back, your mind had been so caught up with baby kim that you completely forgot about the shit storm you had to walk into the moment your flight landed back in Busan.

You refused to look at him as he rubbed your back, "cmon, lets shower"

you both ended up underneath the warm water, cuddling up as your face leaned into his chest, silently.

His hands softly roamed to hold your hips, squishing your skin slightly.

"hey!"

He softly giggled, "m'sorry baby"

"no" you scoffed and tried to move his hands off your waist. "I know I gained weight dont make me feel like shit"

He immediately frowned, "honey i wasnt trying to make you upset, you look beautiful, I think you actually look even prettier, you were losing so much weight this past year with stress and school....you look healthier"

"healthy is code for fat, no?"

Taehyung shook his head, "no baby, i mean it, you are so beautiful"

you turned around to face the shower head as he ran his fingers through your wet hair.

"why are you so moody?" he whispered softly, kissing your shoulder

"im not!"

He hummed, "kinda..."

"just stop" you sighed, wringing your hair out and pushing the curtain aside to get out, drying and wrapping your body with a towel as Taehyung watched, concerned.

You wanted to tell him so bad, but every time the possibility of even mentioning the situation tried to come up, you froze.

You still couldn't fathom it yourself....you were so young...and about to have a kid that you didnt plan for.

You hated it. You hated every ounce of it, because now you were growing attached to the small little thing, it didnt even have a formed body yet and it was already starting to make you feel protective and soft.

You found yourself resting your hand on your abdomen every now and then, not even realizing it. You also saw yourself whispering to it as you ranted when you were alone.

You didnt hate the baby, its not like they asked to be there, it was yours and taehyungs fault, and it was a symbol of the love between you both.

What you hated however- was the fact you knew you didnt have what it takes to be a mother, and the baby would end up resenting you and never speaking to you after 18 years.

You were guilty and sad and struggling, and all you wanted to do was be held and loved and told that it was gonna realistically be okay.

And you knew the only way you could get that is if you told someone.

The rest of the week went by okay,

Your mother had taken tae and you up to her friends farm where you both had worked and helped him plant flowers, you also discovered that this "friend" of hers was anything but.

"hey they look kinda cute" taehyung giggled, filling the soil with his potted flowers

you crossed your arms, "no they dont, shes literally seeing someone and didnt even tell me!! her daughter!!! can you imagine??"

Taehyung smiled, "well...its not like you and i arent keeping anything from her right" he smirked

"if we told her we were 'dating' I doubt she would be shocked, this is different"

"how so?"

"Shes just...." you sighed and watched the front porch of his farm, where your mom and him sat on the swing "thats not my dad"

"dont you want her to be happy, y/n?"

"this isnt about that....what if he breaks her heart like dad did? what if he just fucking leaves when things get difficult?"

Taehyung looked at you softly, knowing this was more than you being upset at your mom finding a romantic interest and not telling you.

"its okay" he whispered, pulling your attention back to the flowers.

Your mind was racing, and suddenly you got hit with a thought that knocked the wind out of you.

What if taehyung left?

the men in your life dont have a good track record here, and what if him being happy over the baby isnt true, what if he is mad and leaves....its so easy for him to just leave.

As the trip ended, you began to distance yourself slightly, as if you were already trying to prepare for when he does go.

The morning of your flight, the thought of getting on another plane ride nauseated you

"we gotta get you anti-motion sickness pills" taehyung smiled, handing you your coffee order from the airport starbucks. "you arent even on the plane yet and you seem pale."

Coffee, not good for the baby. You read that on a forum last night.

You nod, looking off into the distance as he tries to hold your hand to walk to the end of the terminal, you slowly step away

"you ok?" he whispers, looking at you

"y-yeah...just clammy...dont wanna hold hands"

He nodded in understanding.

You wanted to hold him, climb on his back as he walked even, but you needed to distance yourself, in case it ended up being just you and baby.....just as was with your mom and you.

As you found your way to your seats, you tried to just sleep away all your thoughts, but it proved more difficult than you hoped.

Taehyung slept peacefully as you bounced your knee and picked at your nails. The poor woman sitting in front of both of you struggled to keep her own children in their seats while she fed her newborn, who was beginning to wail.

Damn....you were overwhelmed just watching

Taehyung woke up and darted his eyes to the kids in front of him, one boy peeking around to both of you and sticking out his tongue.

He softly giggled and waved, whispering "hello" as he shot you a knowing look.

They made a small interaction with eachother, doing silly faces back and forth until the younger child got tired and crawled over to his mothers lap once more. To say it wasnt cute was a lie.

Maybe he would be okay, perhaps you were overthinking it all

He would be excited, right?

You weakly smiled and took a sip of water, stomach churning.

Taehyung lifted the arm-rest so he could move closer, his arm pulling you to him as he kissed your head- you were trapped.

"Want some mint gum?" he whispered, reaching into his little bag

"no im okay"

"princess it might help the nausea?"

you sighed and leaned away, "im fine just stop"

he frowned and looked back at the small tv in front of him, his own mind stressing over if he did or said something wrong to you. Youve been super moody towards him since the trip and it was a tad bit concerning.

You felt awful, but you were overstimulated with so much shit that you couldnt put on a lovey dovey act right now.

Taehyung put his headphones on and unwrapped the piece of gum, placing it into his own mouth as his head rested against the seat, defeated.

this is wrong

this is so fucking wrong, and you know it. He has been there for you time and time again, and you just push him away when you know he would be more than accepting of the situation that very much involves the two of you.

Rip the fucking bandaid off.

Later that night, you two finally arrived home to your apartment after getting out of your uber.

"let me take these to the elevator" tae smiled, taking your luggage and throwing it over his shoulder.

"thanks" you whispered, rubbing your eyes in exhaustion.

You leaned against him after pressing the button of your floor and getting your key out.

"sleepy?" he mumbled

"yeah..."

the doors open and both of you walk down the hall, passing doors of other apartments.

It was peaceful, being home.

You had fun with your mother and spending your birthday at your childhood home, but nothing will beat the comfort of this apartment.

You watched the back of taehyungs head as he walked in front of you, holding two suitcases while making sure his fish baby was okay as well, it was adorable.

Your eyes were fixated on him as you approached the end of the hall

You placed the key into the door and practically watched him drop everything to the floor, (besides the tiny fish tank)

"we can unpack tomorrow right?" he sighed, tiredly

you nod and begin to walk into your bedroom, where taehyung follows.

after getting comfy and clean, the two of you settled into bed in the dark room.

Taehyungs arm draped over your waist, keeping your back flush against his chest.

You sighed, closing your eyes as peacefully as you could as his lips found their way to your shoulder and neck

"tae-"

"i missed you" he whispered, a hint of humor in his voice

your eyes stayed glued to the wall

"dont get me wrong, I love your mom, but she is the number one cock blocker-"

"im tired and want to sleep." you speak, voice stern now.

he pulled away as if you burned him, "...sorry" his head fell against the pillow as he rolled to lay on his back.

It was quiet for a moment, "did i do something wrong?" he whispered

you took a second to reply, "what?"

"this entire week, things have been....weird....with us. Did i upset you, princess?"

Taehyungs voice was low and shaky, as if he was afraid of breaking you. Sure, the week was bad in the aspects of Kaito and his bullshit, but there was no reason to take it out on taehyung.

"are you saying this because I dont want to have sex right now?" you sat up, looking at him with disgust.

He quickly threw his hands up in defense, "baby- no!! Thats not it at all, its nothing to do with anything like that"

You audibly sighed, running your hands over you face as you listened to him speak

He continued, "you just seem....off...and i want to make sure that you are ok"

to make sure....that you are ok.

The man who has little to worry about in this life, and situation wants everything to be okay.

You threw the covers off your body, rising to your feet as you walked towards the bathroom, suddenly it was too much again.

Too much to juggle, too much for one single woman to deal with at once, it wasnt fucking fair that you were here right now.

You blamed yourself because you both were careless, and now you blame yourself because you have authority, and responsibility for this child. Yes- he may want it, but your mind races back to the fact of how he struggles to even look after himself. He might get overwhelmed and give up, your life may fall apart, and hes rambling about YOU being OKAY?

"where are you going?" he got up quickly, following after you

You pivoted on your heel, blocking him from entering the bathroom with you, "i just want to be alone right now taehyung, Please"

He scoffed, "you cant act like this, get me all worried, then run away and hide, thats not fair!"

Your eyes widened, "not fair? why is how I act not fair to you? why do you assume every action, every emotion, every breath is about YOU??"

He stood back a little, not prepared for how you suddenly turned from cold shoulder to just plain angry.

"y-you have no idea!" you gripped your hair as you got a glance of yourself in the mirror, and as quick as it was, tears began to form at the lining of your eyes.

"idea of what, y/n? you are scaring me" taehyung whispered, unsure if he should attempt to comfort you.

You took a few breathes and rubbed your arms to self soothe yourself, "Its late....im tired....youre tired, lets just sleep please"

"sleep? after this?"

you nod, silently shutting the door to the bathroom as he stood in front of it. "you are gonna sleep in the fucking bathroom?"

"who cares if I do?"

He sighed, looking down. He wanted to help and was only met with a door slamming to the face, and you ignoring his pleas to help you with whatever this was.

He tried once more, hand jiggling the door handle, "baby...baby please....."

You sat on the other side, your back pressed against the door and your knees to your chest as tears fell freely now. You felt like an awful person- perhaps you were one.

He whispers, voice cracking, "whats going on? why wont you....why cant I help?"

You wiped your eyes, looking down at your hands as taehyung spoke behind the door. "please just go...."

"no...im not going to leave you when you are in an emotional state like this"

"please." you try once more

"y/n, im not joking around anymore, open the fucking door."

Your heart raced at his sudden fed up tone, you knew he wasnt going to let this rest tonight.

"y/n....open the door"

the two rooms were filled with silent breathing, it felt like forever before you suddenly stood up as he listened to your shuffling.

You blew your nose and looked at yourself in the mirror again, a mess. an absolute mess, how could one fuck up this badly?

suddenly...this is beyond you, especially in this moment.

Its not just your life anymore, and you are being selfish a bit. He has a right to know, its not just a you problem. You sigh, eyes on the mirror. all you could see was someone whos had maybe one of the biggest downfalls of the century....but you also saw a girl who was vulnerable, and wanted to try.

Your hand shakes as it moved to unlock and open the door, you met taehyung who stood there with fear in his eyes, obviously more than just concerned over the bizarre behavior.

"taehyung." you whispered so quietly, that if any other noise was occurring in the house, he wouldnt have heard you.

He stuck his eyes onto yours, not leaving for a second.

"i-im.." you choked, trying to compose yourself.

"youre what, princess?" he whispered, using your same soft and comforting tone

shaking your head, you let out a soft sob, feeling embarrassed but knowing there was no other way around the situation anymore, and the longer you dragged this out, the worse things crumbled

you said it in one, big, relieving exhale. it felt wrong to say aloud, but your chest was no longer tight, breathing was slightly easier.

"i'm pregnant."

Taehyung's air left his lungs, his face contorted into different expressions, mouth moving to form words yet nothing was coming out.

You couldnt look at him anymore, eyes darting to your feet.

"i-im sorry...fuck" you walked past him, moving into the living room as he stayed where he was.

You stood in the center of the room, shocked at what you had just done on some random night, the clock read 2:28am. You wanted something special, and instead you dumped it on him as if you were telling him what you were making for dinner.

he looked around, the words you just said suddenly hitting him, suddenly becoming real.

"youre what?" he whispered to himself, heart beginning to race as he turned around quickly and chased after you.

you had moved to sit near the window, looking at the city in the dark room. His soft footsteps could be heard over your quiet cries.

"dont hate me" you cried, "please dont hate me" you wiped your eyes, unable to turn around to face him. "I already hate myself, I know this isnt what we had planned but god...taehyung," you turned your head softly, eyes blood-shot, "please dont go" you whispered.

He stood behind you, hands clammy.

You tried your best not to have a full blown meltdown, you were already tired enough.

He slowly sank to his knees, a softer expression overtaking his previous one.

"i-if you w-want me to abort it, I dont think I can" you sobbed, "i know school isnt even done yet, we are so young and everyone will hate me, im so sorry taeh-"

He inturrupted you quickly, wrapping you into his arms tightly, tears of his own falling. "no, no no,.." he tucked your face into his neck, softly swaying. "no...no no"

You only cried harder, your hands clutching his shirt with a plea to not leave.

"I-" he sighed, taking a few breathes, "I could never leave you" his hands tightened, "you mean so fucking much to me, and you think I would ever leave, or ask you to abort the baby? something we made, together?"

His eyes were shut, voice trembling with fears of his own, however most of all he was relieved you finally told him.

"i love you so much, god y/n, I love you so much" he rocked a little, hand brushing up and down your back. "you thought I would hate you? baby, no....God no"

"I was so scared" you whisper, unable to pull away

"it's going to be okay, i promise, I know its not the ideal situation, but im not going anywhere, im here for you, okay?"

You sniff, his thumb caressing your cheek softly

"we are going to be good parents, a good supportive family, i'll never leave you"

his hand gently moves down to your stomach, holding the non noticeable baby. suddenly everything made sense.

"we got this, right? we...we can handle anything, because we are a team, and I love you"

"i love you too" you sniff, head pounding.

His eyes scanned yours, "keeping it, is what you want right?"

You nod

"then thats what we will do, and guess what? everything will be fine" he smiled so softly and lovingly, your heart felt constricted. "it'll be difficult, but we are here, together."

"together" your voice is tired and scratchy, a part of you feeling weightless as the fact he now knows sinks in. Its no longer a built up secret you have to hide, he knows.

"and...maybe being parents will be fun?" he giggles quietly, "we can do trips with them, nothing has to change, y/n."

You sigh softly, looking at him, "a lot is going to change, and you need to prepare yourself for that, its not like having a pet, its a real baby with real needs that depends on us for survival..." you look at your clasped hands, "its serious shit"

He nods, frowning a bit

"and I need to start getting a job that pays more than what Ms.Choi is giving me....this is gonna be expensive, I dont know what we are gonna do" your hand covered your face as your breathing picked up again, taehyung watching.

"we will work it out, is what we will do" he spoke softly, he gently removed your hands from your face. "have you seen some of the people who have kids and make it out alive? I think you and I will be just fine...." he speaks "and plus....I think our parents would be more than happy to not only hear about this, but help out too"

You sighed, "fuck I forgot we need to tell our families, Taehyung thats gonna be so embarrassing! my mom-"

"probably already suspected we were closer than 'friends', and how is that embarrassing? our parents have been trying to push us together for quite some time"

"because I dont talk about this shit with people, even my mom, and it makes me .....uhg"

He giggles softly, "shh...its okay, im sure she knows you arent 19 anymore, we are adults"

adults. yeah.

His hands gently held your sides, "my beautiful girl....how long have you known?"

You pushed the hair out of your face, "since Wednesday, I took a test on my birthday"

Taehyung frowned, "and youve been dealing with this alone since then?"

You nod, "remember when I said I needed to get tampons? yeah...I bought a test instead" you slightly smile.

He nodded "hm..im sorry you had to deal with that, Your behavior is forgiven"

"oh about that...im sorry for being a bitch to you, you were just trying to help."

He sighs softly, "y/n, you dont need to apologize, I was just worried about you....im sure within the next 9 months we will deal with a lot of scary emotions, so I better suck it up"

You smile, "i'll try to be good"

"you already are" he kissed the top of your head, helping you both stand to your feet. He looked at your stomach, a smile in knowing what was in there. "baby" he gestured, "thats ours"

You nod, hands resting on his shoulders,

"we will be fine?"

"we will be more than fine...we will be great"

The next morning, you had decided on taking a day off to just live in bed.

This was your last day before you returned to classes for the last bit of the semester, so you wanted to take it easy as possible before facing the crazy drama to come.

You laid under the covers, sipping the water taehyung had given you as he placed the duffle suit case onto the end of the bed, taking out the clothes and folding them, putting them into your closet.

"so have you thought about calling your doctor?" he spoke up, watching you eat the breakfast he made you.

You sat up a bit, "yeah, im gonna call her today possibly, ill make an appointment for this weekend."

He smiles shyly, "can I come?"

You couldnt help but giggle, "you are the father, so yes obviously you can"

"well I didnt know what your boundaries are here..."

You tilt your head, "what do you mean?"

"well like.." he folded one of your dresses, "we havent established our "relationship" if you will, and so I wasnt sure what the boundaries were for me-"

You smile, "I mean....taehyung...we are having a child together, I dont think we have to worry about formalities anymore, right?"

He smiles, shrugging as he hung up more of your clothes, something you insisted on doing yourself but the overprotective taehyung was already sprung into action, forcing you to do absolutely nothing.

"well when you say it like that It sounds funny" he giggled

"hmm then do as you want" you mumbled as he climbed onto the bed, sitting next to you and holding your hand. He cleared his throat before speaking "y/n...would you do me the honor of being my girlfriend, officially?"

"that is so middle school" you snort

"yes or no"

"wow, an offer that includes strings attached, thats new"

"hey you were the one who suggested friends with benefits"

"and now we are sitting here pregnant"

Taehyung giggled, "yes or no!!!"

"hmm.....yeah I guess"

you laughed as he flung onto you, kissing all over your face and holding you close, his long legs knocking off some of the laundry piles he made.

"there goes the clothes" you frown

"aish I'll fold them again, dont worry angel" he sat up and stood after giving you a long kiss on the lips, making you blush.

You want to call yourself silly for worrying so much, the taehyung standing in front of you is incomparable to the one you imagined he would be after telling him, you are relieved but know a lot more is still to come.

You knew taehyung loved you, and wanted to care for you as much as possible, but God, little did you know to what extent.

"taehyung I can walk to class myself, Walking is good for me"

You looked back at your boyfriend as he watched you exit the car while dropping you off at class the next day.

"just be careful, ok? and dont let anyone try anything with you" his eyes scanned the students roaming the campus. "call me if they do, yeah?"

You smile, nodding, "sure....okay, I love you"

"I love you too, ill pick you up at 3 ok?"

You nod softly, waving him off as you begin to walk to class.

You were sweaty with anxiety, eyes forced down to the ground you walked on to avoid any weird glares thrown your way.

This whole Kaito and Annie situation was, and should be, the least of your worries right now- all you wanted to do was finish the semester and be done for a little while, enjoying your pregnancy the best you can with Taehyung at home..

You walked into your theatre class, you were met with Chae, who you havent spoken to in months.

"y/n...where have you been?" she raised a brow, looking up from her phone.

"um, vacation"

"oh" she lowers her gaze on you, you suddenly feel angry that she even feels like its ok to communicate with you right now after taking Kaitos side.

"hows taehyung?" she continues as you take a seat

"im here for class, and class only, dont start anything with me" you spoke without even looking in her direction.

"I just think its funny that you flea right when everything is going on" she shrugged

"I went to go see my mom, not that its any of your buisness"

"listen, kaito isnt a great person and all but he is my friend, and you cheated on him with taehyung after blowing him off"

You scoffed, "oh like how he almost blew my face off? with his fist?"

She sighed, "and poor annie too....she liked taehyung and you just-"

You stopped her from finishing, "listen, chae, You dont know anything and If i were you i would worry a little less on my life and more on yours, everyone knows you failed your final exam because you cant keep your head out of other peoples asses for 3 fucking seconds" you bit and immediately stood, walking out before class even started.

maybe your english class will go better than this one.

Later that night, you sat in bed, head full of worry of what the next 2 weeks would bring at school.

in total, 5 kids had came up to you asking if the "rumors were true!"

you wish you had the willpower to punch their stupid fucking faces, but you needed your degree.

You decided against telling taehyung, which, yes, has proved to not be a good thing to do but you didnt want him to worry anymore about you. You are 23, a big girl who can handle childish college drama. they just need to get over it, and hopefully after they see that you dont care, they will move on with their lives.

"hey im back" taehyung walked into your room, a bag of snacks from the small store down the street, you were craving chips and he wasted no time going to grab them for you.

"are these good?" he held up the snacks, making your stomach growl,

"mm yes, thank you baby" he came over and gave you them, kissing you on the forehead. "what else did you get?" you smiled, looking at the semi-full grocery bag in his hand.

He turned shy, a small innocent smile on his face, "oh um.." he reached into the bag and pulled out a small teddy bear that had the initial of K on it, it was utterly adorable. he giggled softly, "I saw it there and thought it would be cute for the uh, baby" he spoke quietly.

"taehyung" you pouted, holding the bear, "im gonna cry this is such a soft thing for you to do" you giggled and looked at him, "they will love it honey"

"you think?" he smiled

"yes of course" you cupped his face, your heart filled with so much love for this boy, "come here" you whispered, arms reaching over his shoulders as he gently laid against you.

"youre so fucking cute...I love you" you whispered, hand running in his hair

"I love you too" he hummed, eyes closing against your chest.

You looked at the bear again, brining it closer to you. "K for kim"

"yess" he giggled softly

You kissed his head gently and held him tight, "thank you...for being here."

"I wouldnt miss out on this for anything, y/n."

You tried your best to not tear up at his soft words

"can I?" he gestured to your stomach

you nod, curious to what he wants to do

He carefully rolls up your tank top and kisses your stomach, whispering something

"Hi baby, its tae- er, its your daddy" he giggled, looking up at you as you watched happily

"I know from your perspective, things seem crazy but I promise mommy and I are gonna make you the happiest baby ever, we love you so much" he smiled, kissing your stomach once more as you felt tears fall. “We won’t let anything happen to you”

You brushed his hair back as he looked up, eyes meeting yours. “Honey why are you crying?”

“Because” stupid hormones.

He smiled and crawled up, kissing you gently before you brought him down to lay on you again.

“It’s silly…I was so fucking scared to tell you this, so afraid I’d be alone, or that shit would fall apart….but strangely now I feel like for the first time in forever, things are going ok”

He smiles as well, “I feel the same way, im genuinely happy”

“Me too…maybe this was meant to happen, hm?”

“The universe planted a baby into our laps and suddenly we are cured of any issue”

You laughed, “well, not quite, but in most aspects I feel happier than I did before, im glad we are doing this together”

“I am too, it’s gonna be so fun going to all the appointments and then finding out the gender, oh and getting to decorate the nursery”

You rubbed his back, feeling content in his words. “I was thinking about when we tell your family and mine, they are gonna be like oh my god when we tell them we are dating, then boom, pregnancy!”

He looked up, watching you as you spoke.

“Aren’t your parents gonna be angry we did things in the wrong order? Baby before marriage? What if I get disowned” you teased

“Listen, we both know my parents words aren’t anything to take seriously, they are all bark and no bite…im not gonna let them or anyone else do or say anything to hurt you”

“I just want us to be happy”

“And we will be, in our own little bubble” his hand gently rubbed your stomach “are you nervous? About motherhood?”

“More than anything taehyung”

“I’ll be here to help you, ok? You are such a sweet and loving person, you’ll have no issue being a mom and doing it flawlessly at that”

“It’s not just my skill I’m worried about, it’s just….it’s silly but I’m scared about my body changing. I struggle with these things and I know weight gain is healthy in pregnancy but…”

“Baby I refuse to hear you talk badly about your figure…look at you, so fucking sexy and you don’t even have to try. I don’t care what weight you are, or how you look now vs in 9 months, I love you for you and nothing will change that”

You frowned as he kissed all over your face “I love you too…”

“Eat your snacks baby, then let’s get some sleep yeah?”

“Yes…” you opened up the chip bag as taehyung got into his night clothes.

“Oh I scheduled the appointment today” you spoke up, biting into a wafer.

“Yeah? How was it?”

“Well I was a little timid about telling her but she was very happy to know and said she will take me in on Saturday morning for an ultrasound”

Taehyung jumped back into bed, “ah! This is so exciting baby”

“Mm” you giggle, giving him a chip.

“Do we find out the gender?”

You found his words adorable “no sweet boy, that’s not for a bit, but we get to hear the heartbeat and take home sonograms”

“Ohh, yay!” He smiled, cuddling back into you, arm resting over your abdomen protectively.

“Did you feed fishy?” You gesture to the small tank next to the bed. Taehyung shot up “shit…I will now, sorry little guy” he frowned.

“Hope you don’t forget to feed our human baby”

“No promises” he teased, sprinkling some food pellets into the water for the small yellow fish.

You waited for him to return next to you as he settled under the covers. “Comfy baby?” He whispered, shutting the lamp off.

“Mm” you cuddled into him once more as he rubbed your back.

“I love you”

“I love you more my angel, goodnight”

Taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee @bokieya

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jess-moloney · 1 month ago

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Does allaboutjcb truly believe that a native speaker like Jess, who claims to be a manager, would write in such incoherent english? They are either deeply naive or have written that anon themselves.

The way that is written it was clearly not by Jess. Let's analyze:

Hey There. This is Jessica. And this is the only time ill write to you or comment about this.

I don't think she'd introduce herself like this if she was on anon...I think she'd call herself Jess lol even in her interviews she says "hi I'm Jess" not Jessica. That's the first clue that something is off.

It Was brought to my attention that this page existed. And had some rumors going around.

Who brought this to her attention? Why would she care? More people have told her about my blog and she's never sent me a damn thing you think she'd be more "worried" about a blog that's actively against her, not one that constantly kisses her ass.

To put it short. And sweet. My relationship with the other person mentioned in these rumors, are false.

Uh, why would she not just call him by his name? Jamie? "My relationship with this other person" Who the hell talks like that? Not Jess that's for damn sure. No one talks like that. This is giving ESL vibes right away.

And just horse raddish.

No way in any universe does Jess use the phrase "and horse raddish" which by the way, is one-word horseradish which I think even Jess would know how to spell.

I dont like to be in the the limelight.

This is just stolen from something Jess claimed once in a very old interview that anyone could have read.

I've had to travel to the uk atleast 14 times in 2024 due to personal situations regarding my own family. This would have nothing to do with my partners family. This would be a personal and one sided situation.

Once again why is she saying "my partner" not Jamie? I don't think she'd say "my partner," I think whoever wrote this studied that stupid Mz. Skin interview trying to copy how Jess speaks but failed miserably. As for the rest of this "information," anyone could have made this up for any reason to seem "credible" but there's no way to confirm it, especially not from a message on anon from Tumblr for fuck's sake. Oh, and she'd have at the very least capitalized UK or written U.K because that's where she's FUCKING FROM.

And i still fly out every 3 weeks or so because of this personal matter.

And? No one can prove if this is false or not because there's literally nothing to back it up or disprove it. Whoever wrote this is making statements they know can't be confirmed. Anyone could make up a reason why Jess isn't "as active" on IG anymore. I mean I could pretend to be her and say "I have to do a lot of travel for work so I can't always be with Jamie at events" Who's going to disprove this? how? See what I mean? It's completely made up and it's really easy to make up. These "specific" details that allaboutjcb claim are so PERSONAL can be said by anyone. By the way, I think Jess would also capitalized the letter I and not write it in lowercase.

Regarding the relationship. If it will be taken seriously or not. Which in doubt because i know anyone and everyone will find a way to talk about me or my relationship.

There is no way any of this was written by someone fluent in English. I may hate Jess's voice, but she's well-spoken, and I know her grammar would be SO much better than this slop.

But me and the person always mentioned with my name. Are doing fine.

Who talks like this? Ever? About their boyfriend? Literally fucking no one. She would say Jamie, hell she'd at least say BOYFRIEND, not "partner" not "person" I mean come on, who's buying this?

And we push back the spotlight for this reason. We feel invaded tremendously.

This is also not something anyone who speaks English natively would ever write. It's clunky and weird and it's giving poor Google translate vibes.

And it doesn't make us comfortable anymore. When we used to show more. You will still see things from time to time.

Yet another clunky sentence and then she claims "you will see things from time to time" Well when is that time "JESSICA" because it's been like a year and nothing has happened, not selfies, not couple pics, no events....if anything this person can't be Jess because Jess wouldn't say "time to time" knowing that nothing has been posted or seen in a very LONG time.

But thats all it will be because of this reason. I hope this sums it up. Thank you so much.

This is yet another horribly crafted sentence by someone who obviously doesn't speak English fluently. The fact that this lunatic made this her PINNED POST like she needs everyone to see it (and believe) a fucking BRITISH WOMAN wrote this out is insane. There is no way in hell Jess Moloney wrote this letter to this complete lunatic stranger.

Allaboutjcb wrote this herself and is trying to fuck with people. End of story.

#jess moloney #jamie campbell bower #jamie bower #mail

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lunart-06 · 1 year ago

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I just imagine hinaegi spending christmas together and how they would take turns on who to spend it with. The first year they decide to spend it with makoto's family (the thh kids, komaru and maybe some friends makoto made on the future foundation), Hajime is nervous out of his mind, he spent weeks in advance searching for the best gifts for everyone, specially togami (even tho makoto assured him everything would be okay.) he enters the room fucking sweating, but everything turns out to be amazing!!! The vibes are just so cozy, and even with the initial nervousness, Hajime feels like he's home in a few hours, he gets to hear a bunch of stories of makoto from the others, be it the stories from his childhood that komaru tells everyone while makoto hides his face in embarrasment, or be it the little facts about the killing game that the friends accidentally slip up, Hajime instantly feels guilty, but makoto quickly pats his cheeks and moves his attention elsewhere, overall, amazing! good food, christmas songs, cozy vibes, an amazing christmas.

so, next year they decide to spend it with the jabberwock kids, and makoto is super excited, he goes out with a big list of gifts to buy for every single one of them, and well.. hajime is also super excited! but at the same time, he wonders how it will go, dont get me wrong!! he loves all his friends with his entire heart, but they are a bit intense, so he will calmly tell everyone to act AS GOOD AS THEY CAN, and when the christmas party starts, everything seems to be going well, they are all at a table and stuff, until an hour passes and hajime CANNOT find makoto anymore, hes being passed back and forth to every single one of them, Hajime wants to spend some time with makoto only to find out Ibuki took him away and is trying to make him play the guitar, he grabs makoto and takes him away, only to look around the next second and find Hiyoko trying to paint his nails while she taunts him on how he would look much prettier if he cut that ahoge off, hajime tries again, but he gives up after a while of competing for his boyfriend with his friends, its hard, and with nagito tho.. he wouldnt leave makoto alone the WHOLE night, hajime is absolutely ehxausted the other day, while makoto loved it! well, they'll never have a boring christmas.

OH OH I LIKE THIS!!!! VERY MUCH!! I JUST WOKE UP AND THIS ALREADY MADE MY MORNING!!!

I want them to have a christmas together, just the two of them, after the second day. But sadly Makoto was still duty bound as the new headmaster and Hajime still needs to check on and handling his classmates and the island. So they just spend the 3rd night via video call, talking about their own days wether it be something mundane, embarrassing, or very privately embarrassing to the point one has to ask himself why did he even have to tell that one while the other just laugh on their seat.

Or just reminicing the days, doing some small vents and just be openly deep and vulnerable with one another knowing the other would never judge them for it, afterall, they're on the same boat in the burdens of the world and reliability.

#lunardr thoughts #lunar ask yippe #hinaegi #danganronpa #makoto naegi #hajime hinata #danganronpa 3

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joelmiller321 · 5 months ago

Text

the abandonment|| Joel miller 📚😫🥵

in which you see joel abandoning Natalina in their relationship

part 1

natalina's pov

i wake alone naked and sigh. he's gone...again. i get in the shower and wonder how i got here. how we got here. joel and i. we got together. we were happy. everything was fine. ellie's become like my own. joel's opened up about his traumas and i did the same. we made a family. me, him, ellie. now somehow...for some reason...we only have sex. it's the only time i genuinely get to have him and feel close again. but he's gone in the morning. avoiding. he spends all day with Gina. a pretty blonde woman, out on patrols, walking around jackson. smiling, laughing. comfortable. he doesn't even try anymore.

i love him. and it's why i stay. it's why i let him touch me even though im crying on the inside. he's losing me and doesn't even seem to notice. or care. ellie's even noticed the distance. i lie to her and tell her im fine. that we both are. she's a kid. she shouldn't have to worry about our relationship or the lack of one we have now. i'm holding onto this. us. joel and i for dear life and he doesn't even seem to care. but how many cold dinners after waiting for him to come home after he's agreed to it am i supposed to take?

how long am i supposed to lay there and clutch onto him, taking his cock because it's the only piece of him he'll let me have? how long am i supposed to swallow pain seeing how much happier she makes him? how miserable i make him? but i do it and i don't know if i have much of it left in me. i really dont. i finish in the shower and dress in

i step downstairs and see ellie came in from her shed out back. she smiles and says "morning ma" i smile "morning ellie want food?" she shakes her head "already went and got some. Joel here?" i sigh "is he ever?" looking and seeing another left over dinner from last night that joel did not show up for. but he did come in late and we had sex. it's the only thing he wants me for. my heart won't let go of him even if i know i should. at this point im just his live in whore.

she sighs "i thought he was staying in today, with us?" another broken promise and now it's including ellie. i shrug "think he got busy kid." "well what did he say?" she asks. i sigh and admit "nothing. he doesn't talk to me much anymore ellie. he was gone when i woke up" she says "but you two are in love. disgustingly so. i don't know what's going on with him. but it will pass. he'll come around just wait" hope in her voice. confusion. pain in her eyes and pity with the way she's looking at me. i sigh "i don't think i have it in me to wait any longer kid" grabbing a apple to settle on.

she asks "have you told him you're..." pregnant. i'm only 4 weeks. i shake my head "ma you have to tell him. he deserves to know" why? so he can just abandon this child? i'm not even sure if i even want to keep it at this point. i don't think i should. not with the way our relationship is. not with how he's making me feel. i tell her "im not even sure i want to keep it ellie. i'm really not" i don't want to be a single mother. i've seen how it went with my mother. an abusive father in and out of our lives. her equally shitty boyfriends. i can't do it. i won't. and joel knows. i also know joel's trauma, how he lost sarah. how will he even react to this?

he's never mentioned wanting another kid. hell him coming around to ellie was like pulling teeth. "he deserves to know either way" she tells me and i sigh "i know. i gotta go."

she takes my hand "it's not safe for you to work with the horses now ma. they could hurt you" she's the only one here who would care about such a thing. i sigh "joel's not here and he's not going to be. i need to get out of this house" she nods "then i'm coming with you." i nod and we head out and walk toward the barns me eating an apple. i pause seeing him. joel. with her. smiling. "ma cmon." she calls. i see how she's touching him. smiling gripping onto his arms. leeching onto him. and he doesn't stop her. "ma don't look at that cmon" and his eyes meet mine. those eyes i fell in love with. but the man who owns them is not one i recognize anymore.

he steps forward his eyes on me still but she grabs his hand seeing me. he stops and turns to her and she says something that makes her nod and i leave before he can turn to see me if he even does.

joel's pov

i turn back to see my little family but they're gone. i sigh making a note in my head to make me being busy up to them. there's been a lot going on. more raiders. more construction for this place. more. more. more. Gina has been assigned as my partner in it all. having skill in it. she's kind. funny, and makes the day go by easier. that's it. i missed another dinner with Lina. i bet she's pissed with me. seems to be a common occurrence these days. i love her.

Natalina is the best thing to have ever happened to me. truly. she makes me want to be a better man. ellie and i met her on the road to the fireflies. ellie begged me to let her stay. she did get hurt saving my life. listening to ellie is the best decision i've ever made. and slowly...i fell in love with lina. ellie and lina healed me. in a way i never thought i deserve or was possible after losing sarah.

but now...it's like they're...slipping. and i don't know how to stop it. i truly am always working. there's always something that needs fixing. always someone who needs extra hands on a patrol. i want and need this place to be the safest place for them. it's why i work so hard. why i do so much. that and maria still keeps her eye on me believing that im still that guy that did horrible shit with tommy.

i don't and catch a glimpse of her all day. i even went to the stables and Randy said she took ellie out with shimmer and her horse Leroy. damn. Gina stays at my side and talks about i don't even know what anymore. i break out of my thoughts hearing "how's Natalina" she's never brought her up before. i have. in passing. i say "she's fine why?" she shrugs "don't see you two together much anymore is all." yeah i've been busy with everyone else's wants and needs. the only time i get peace is at night and i have the time i do with her. then i wake and do it all over again when all i want to do is stay with her.

later

i sigh walking in the door and kick my shoes off "joel?" it's ellie. she's usually back to her shed by now. i smile "hey kiddo" she asks "what are you doing?" arms crossed. i say "taking off my jacket?" doing just that and hanging it up. she replies "with ma" i reply "i'm going to bed with her?" she huffs "you promised us it'd just be us today joel" i sigh "i know. im sorry. but they were a person short on patrols and i had repairs to do over at the canteen area" she asks "when was the last time you two did something? that wasn't you coming home late after breaking your word to her again and going upstairs" a while, regrettably it's been a while. but now these people are starting to actually need me. and the raiders are getting worse and worse and i just want to protect this place. which in turn protects them. she continues "you're losing her joel. i can see it in the way she's not surprised by your absence and is defeated and tired. you're losing her" what? i can't be. if she felt that way she'd tell me. she wouldn't let me have sex with her i bet too. i say "we're fine kid don't worry about it" "you two are not fine joel. she's to herself. more than ever. she needs you to be here joel" she tells me and i nod and say "get some rest kiddo" heading upstairs. i shower the grime of today off of me and head out getting dressed. she's awake. reading. i get into my side of the bed and say "how was your day?" she looks at me oddly "it was okay"

natalina's pov

it's been...i don't know how long since he's even asked that question. or even talked for that matter. he tells me "sorry about not being here today. i'll make it up to you" no he won't. he never does. he's going to be gone again when i wake up and be gone all day. i say "mm" he grabs the book closing it. he says "i will" i nod though i don't believe it "yeah" "im gonna make up for this and all those dinners you worked hard on" he tells me. stroking my cheek. this is the most we've talked. he kisses me. and i let him. he moves on top of me and i let him. he strips us both and then slides into me and i moan and let him. it's all he wants you know. gina knows him better at this point. he's only using you until they take that step. and they will. look at them together.

he grunts "fuck" his face in my neck as his hips snap to mine. my pain blocks out my pleasure in the act. i hold him to me my fingers in his longer hair as i stare at the ceiling. my body pleasured but my mind in agony. i just lay and take it as he takes what he needs from me. it's the only way i can feel close to him. he's going to leave again. and ignore you. brush you off like last week. and go to her

"i love you darlin" he grunts as a tear falls from my eye. i wipe it before he can notice. i kiss him and give a few moans so he doesn't notice something's off. realizing i've been silent for a bit. he returns to my neck kissing it and i hold him like i won't ever again. because he's going to be gone when i wake up. he's going to be with her. all day into the night doing i don't even know what. he doesn't talk. i've tried. he just doesn't. one day maybe soon he'll speak. and it'll break us. and i'll move out with a even worse broken everything and i'll be left with nothing and she'll have my everything. he grunts "cum darlin" i can't with all these feelings on my mind and in my chest. he rubs my clit and i fake it. how can i raise a baby in this? like this? if it's a girl id want her to not accept shit like this. i wish i wouldn't. joel's the first man i've trusted with me. my body. my heart. all of it. it's been just stolen and taken when i ran into bad groups and had to claw my way out but joel's my first. he showed me what love is. he grunts and finishes. he pulls out of me and kisses me "love you" but it doesn't feel like it. he doesn't act like it.

part 2

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