#i dont even talk to my own family anymore for weeks at a time

[paper-mario-wiki]

you do such a good job passing! any tips?

thank you, i appreciate that! i dont have a ton of tips since ive only been at it for a little over half a year, and im kinda flying by the seat of my pants cuz i dont have a lot of people i talk to day-to-day about presentation. pretty much everything ive figured out by myself and with youtube tutorials. regardless, heres a few i can think of:

don't be afraid to go to a makeup store and ask for advice. i brought a picture of myself i put through faceapp to give me makeup, and i showed it to the ladies at sephora, who were able to get me exactly what i was looking for. theres a world of difference between a face full of makeup, and a face full of makeup that's slightly the wrong shade, and it's good to get the opinions of experts.

try to look at the other women in your family and see how they style themselves, or do their makeup, or even how they speak or carry themselves. finding a look that works isn't somethin that you can fall into super easily, you have to go searching for it. try to model yours after the people who literally share your genes and therefore your features. (note, the opposite is equally usable for transmascs, look at your brothers, fathers, and uncles)

spend time in the mirror seeing what looks right. comb your hair in different directions, part it in a different place, put a clip in, dye it a different color, etc. put on makeup and then take it all off, then put on way too much and only take half of it off. learn the muscle memory of holding a liquid eyeliner pen in your non dominant hand and tracing it across the eyelid on the opposite side of your face without twitching your eye. nobody will see you, you're in your own bathroom. with the resources you have, treat the Bathroom Fit Check like you're customizing a character in a videogame.

look for your angles! i wish i could look good at every angle, but i don't, and vanishingly few people actually do. i spent a lot of time looking at myself in my front-facing phone camera from different directions and thinking "fuck im never going to pass, i really dont look great. is this even worth it?" and no matter how much doubt i had, in the long run the answer ended up being yes, it is worth it. that's kinda how hard things are: they suck until they don't anymore.

this one is really simple and may not apply to you, but fix your posture. seriously. when i started standing up straight for a few weeks i noticed an change in how i looked and carried myself (and my back doesnt hurt as much now)

come to terms with the fact that a lot of women look like men, and a lot of men look like women. the idea that all men look one way and all women look the other is an propagandstic invention of the state that should not be taken seriously. (note: this tip works only inwardly as a facet of self actualization. no matter what, you will always run into people who buy into the propaganda. to the best of your ability, pay them no mind.)

im sorry i cant give you anything more, but thats kind of a big question to answer, so i hope this helps!

[sirsealery]

i feel like i cry about this at least once a week but that one scene in catching fire with thread whipping gale and then katniss gets in front of him and then HAYMITCH gets in front of her .... hes literally her father you dont understand .... im literally bawling and pulling at my skin AND THEN PEETA TURNS UP AND HAYMITCH JUST PUSHES HIM BEHIND HIM?????? HES LITERALLY THEIR DAD. HE IS LITERALLY THEIR DAD. sobbing katniss whose dad is dead and cant protect her anymore and peeta whose dad never protected him YOU DONT GET IT I AM LOSING MY MIND. haymitch :(((( you were always my favorite and as an itty bitty eleven year old i didnt understand why but now i do i love found family i love found fathers NOBODY talk about the haymitch&katniss/joel&ellie/vander&vi comparisons within twenty miles of me i will immediately burst into tears and explode ..... i love them so so so much i will legitimately never get over it

and effie :(( effie i love you oh effie who was almost like a mother to kat and peeta especially in the movies :( she loved them so so much even when katniss's mom was absent and peetas mom was abusive effie my girl ... my girl effie. i dont even ship hayffie but they are literally their parents i refuse to let a single person say otherwise

back to haymitch cuz hes always been my fav and always will be i just. he loves his kids. in his own, kind of weird way he loves them and they love him. i love the way he holds katniss i legitimately sob every time one of those scenes comes up when hes holding her i know haymitch realistically probably would not be the greatest father to a child but i need to be held like that so bad ... tweaking ......

and then the hovercraft scene where katniss attacks haymitch im not even angry im just so so sad it upsets me very very much because he saved his little girl but she didnt wanna be saved she wanted him to save his little boy instead and he wanted to save him but he couldnt- DO YOU UNDERSTAND???? IM CRASHING OUT. and then them in mockingjay. i just. haymitch i love you.

[hottubanchor]

DDBA

Ive been holding off making a judgement but gotta be honest, this is not a good show. Im not even comparing it to the original when I say that, on its own DDBA isnt a good show. Which when actually compared to the og show, its just disappointing. Its entertaining at times and tbh I could watch Charlie Cox as Matt Murdock in anything, hes phenomenal. But the writing for born again is bad.

I think theres one basic rule of writing that everyone knows: show dont tell. Yet, every episode we get scene after scene of characters telling us about stuff that happened instead of watching it.

Now im actually gonna compare BA and the OG. Take muse - all over the promos and dead in 2 eps.

We're told he does taikwondo, we never see him use it as far as I could tell. Unlike in DD where characters who are skilled fighters get to show off their skills in well choreographed fights (Nobu) or were shown their training (electra)

We are told he killed his instructor and he didnt like his family. Unlike in DD where we are shown Fisks childhood and the murder of his father by his own hand.

Muse tells us hes been to some therapy sessions with Heather, and this unlocked something in him. Unlike in DD where we are SHOWN Dex's therapy sessions and the impact it had on him (That sounds very hard). In between the overwhelmingly skippable marital drama therapy sessions they couldn't have squeezed in one session with Muse? They couldn't have shown him sketching her? Maybe after he kidnapped someone?

In one of my favourite scenes in the show (Karen come back the kids miss you) Karen tells us about Matt withdrawing for weeks leading to her running away to san fran. In DD after Electras death (2), we watch Matt do this for half a season, we see Karen debating leaving. If they didn't wanna rehash old plot points they shouldn't have rehashed old plots! (The death of an important figure in Matts life, foggy/electra) Because if thats what happened they needed to SHOW IT.

We are told cherry came to Matt for help. Unlike in DD where we WATCH Brett and Matts relationship develop. They couldn't have included a flashback or two???

Theres more examples but honestly if I think about it anymore Ill get annoyed. Ugh. I get that there were rewrites but honestly for a show with a fanbase this large and the kinda budget disney has theres just no excuse. They can afford good writers. What happened??? Where did the creative team for the original go? This particular gripe aside the story feels sp disconnected, even less that DD s2 which lets be real is the weakest of the og but blows the reboot out of the water.

And dont even talk to me about the colour grading.

Or the hand painting thing, as someone who has a degree in fine art I can confidently say: Not possible. Not even with magic fingers. Matt essentially 'see's' in 3D he wouldn't be able to recognise a flattened version of his gf's face, not even if the paint had a bit more texture to it. Plus he cant tell which paints are dark or light, even if he could tell how would he - omg no I need to stop.

TLDR: I wasnt a fan of this weeks episode bc I think it highlighted the issue BA has been having where the audience is told and not shown key info

[emotionsmgcbabe]

So a hot take It’s been like about a week since I’ve finished that book and I can’t heal from it

Like damm how blind can a parent be some people shouldn’t even have the ability to think of being a parent and all of the “adults” in the bot series are just that

People who shouldn’t be allowed to raise kids

Like come onnnn

I shouldn’t have to explain why for the lynch family but like

Katie she was actively having Ed yet no one noticed? Like come on if we knew it by her not wanting popcorn her parents should have knew about it a lot sooner

Gibsie HE TOLD HIS MOM HE DOSENT FEEL SAFE AROUND A TEENAGER WHO SHE BROUGHT HOME AND SHE JUST PUT IT DOWN TO “oh he’s just a kid it’s gonna go away” LIKE EXCUSE ME???

Claire and hugh their mom is a health care worker how didn’t she noticed the abuse sign in gibs and Liz? DIDNT IT CURIOUS HER WHY HER KIDS AND THEIR INTIRE FRIEND GROUP DIDNT LIKE THE SAME PERSON?? Didn’t it bother her how her son’s girlfriend’s parents just blew the ways she would crash out as a mental illness instead of trying to help her??

And don’t even get me started on Lizzie and her family yeah that’s right family

Every night she screamed bloody murder and not one of her family members NOT EVEN HER SISTER WHI HAD THE BOYFRIEND OVER WHO WASNT NEXT TO HER THE WHOLE TIME HER SISTER WAS SCREAMING???? They didn’t check on her

You brought a friend over and your sister is screaming yet your friend isn’t next to you anymore you don’t go looking for that friend? Even if not your sister don’t you want to know that your friend is okay? I’m not even talking about the fact she didn’t check up on her sister the way she didn’t even flinched when she was NINE and just “got her period “ and I can bet on my period cramps that THAT was not a period she got

When she asked Claire about if she ever wee red stuff my heart broke

So many things are just wrong with whatever the hell is happening there

But the most wrong and mind messing thing is the fact that NONE OF THE PARENTS CARED ENOUGH none of them cared enough to ask the most simple question of “what do the monster do to you? Or “why don’t you like mark” or “why don’t you feel safe in your home my sweet child that I birthed out of my lady parts and suffered for 9 months just to let you down right now ?”

They made her believe it was all in her head she thinks that her suffering wasn’t hers and that made her so mad it messed her head and heart up no one believed herrr NOT ONE PERSON

They made him think he couldn’t tell anyone that person his mom brought home was hurting him in ways a child should never NEVER be hurting in

They made him grow up so fast because his dad couldn’t get back on his feet even though the same son of his best friend lost a dad and A sister still managed to get back up he had to take care of not only himself but 4 other people 2 were SA!! The other were his mom and little sister

They could have killed her and were so close to doing that like come onnnn her whole life she was tortured physically by her father and her mother did NOTHING

They made him believe he was just like his father who tried to rape his pregnant girlfriend and messed with his head so bad that he had to turn to drugs they made him say that as much as the beating he took from his own FATHER were bad the way his MOTHER played with his head and made him a protector yet still feared him and made him self doubt him even though he raised 5 kids on his own they made him doubt himself.

You might say that the parents there are good ones and not all were bad but I can’t believe you if you have a child you love you DONT ACT LIKE THAT

Thank you for joining my TED talk💅

[ironrea]

IRONREA’S 𝒫𝐼𝑅𝒜𝒯𝐸 𝒟𝑅

answering @cosmocreates464 asks!!

⊹  🕰️ CHILDHOOD ECHOES — ✶ do you have the same childhood in your dr, or is it different?

a bit different, but a bit of the same. okay, it’s a lot different.. the time period is not that of the 21st century but is the 18th century. so no phones, no tvs, not even an american politician in sight. do you still have rights? yes, of course, i made sure of that.. anyway, i swayed off from the question. 

my parents are the same as this reality but i dont communicate with them anymore. i grew up in a small wooden house shack instead of a furnished clean house with actual floors. i didnt attend school past my teenage years but i did have a longing for learning. i often snuck and stole any books i happened to come across and read them under the shade of any tree i found myself comfortable under. i was desperate for freedom away from the confines of my family. if i wasnt reading, you could probably find me swimming in any body of water i could locate or running through a forest thinking i could talk to the animals there. though as i grew older, these whispers of pirates grew louder. they weren’t common in my area and most shoved the tales off as if they were nothing. but me, i grew fascinated. little did i know, id be one of them soon…

⊹  🛍️ TREAT YOURSELF — ✶ what’s the coolest thing you own in your dr that you don’t have in your cr?

oh my, so many things! first off, of course, a pirate ship, i mean you don’t see those everyday here. also, my wardrobe isn’t composed of jeans or tee shirts or running shoes, but rather heavy coats, loose fitting tops, elegant jewelry, boots and when i feel like it… yes… a pirate hat. fast fashion jewelry has never been uttered in a sentence here before, as i’m covered in silver and precious stones that don’t rust after the oceans touch. now, how could i be a true pirate if i didn’t prove the stories to be true, obviously my boat does have chests of treasures stored away. money is not green paper but instead golden coins. weapons like pistols and grenades also fill the inventory. and on the top of my list, it’s my favorite, my baby, my prized possession, my sword. made of iron and a hilt in the color of black, this is the one thing i’ll never trade. handy in battle and makes me look more intimidating than before. but seriously, almost everything i own in my pirate life is something i’ve never met in this reality. 

⊹  ⏳ TIMELESS WONDER — ✶ how does time work in your dr? is it linear, fluid, or something else entirely?

time is such a funny thing to me. because it’s not real. in my opinion, time is whatever you choose it to be. but enough of my theorization, this is about my dr. in this reality, we’re almost always near a screen. because of that, we always have access to check what time it is. as i’m getting ready to post this, the world is telling me it’s 2:16. as a pirate, you don’t have a phone and the only time you care about is having a good one. if you wanted to know what hour you were in while sailing your ship, youre more than likely checking the sun and the stars. their location will tell you what you want to know. i’d say time is fluid. on a boat, days are often the same. you wake in the same ship on the same waves you fell asleep listening to. you leave you chambers and see the same view of endless water ahead of you. did you last leave land two days ago or three? was it a week ago or yesterday? 

anyways, i hope these were good answers, i sometimes feel as if i just go on and on about whatever and forget the actual question…

[loviingpedri]

Did You Know I Loved You?

prompt: pedri never forgot you

warnings: cursing, grammar issues. all pictures used are not owned by me. not proofread.

word count: 1735

angst, some fluff

dedicated to all my pedri girlies <3

pedri and you were inseparable. from the day you walked into his parents' restaurant, the air suddenly changed. the town seemed to sparkle in tenerife when you two were exploring the island.

"let's play football," pedri slowly kicked the ball to you.

"it's so hot outside though," you groaned at the thought of kicking a ball in the burning sun.

"pleaseee, i wanna practice just for a little bit." you knew you couldn't say no to him. the decision ended up leaving you playing with him until the moon smiled at the duo.

little did you know, the moon never smiled and the sun never glistened after that day.

———————————————————————

“so what? you’re just gonna leave?” you shouted at pedri in disbelief.

“i can do what i want. you can’t control my decisions for the rest of my life,” he sighed and sat down to control his thoughts. “you knew this was gonna happen. i need to grow my career. i wanted to be in a work environment which i enjoyed. just don’t be so self-centered right now.”

“im self-centered? i didn’t even get a warning you would leave to this big city. you knew for weeks. fer knew for weeks. you said i was your family pedro, and family doesn’t hide things from each other.” the yelling echoed through the house. it was a situation that would never be fixed.

“i cant just tell my best friend that i’m leaving in 2 weeks. it would ruin everything. if you knew, you would’ve changed my mind and i wouldn’t be successful for anything.”

“pedro gonzalez, think for one fucking second. you kept a secret that could’ve changed everything. the moments we had together could’ve been more important than anything. i just needed one warning and this wouldn’t be happening. i don’t give a shit that you want to continue your passion. all i always wanted was for us to be happy.” it took everything in your power to not leave the house after you completely lashed out on him.

you knew deep down you didn’t want him to go because he was your first love. he was your first kiss, first friend, and first person to even talk to you in tenerife. you didn’t know who he was gonna see. you sure did not want him to talk to rich girls blinged out with their designer bags. you were scared shitless of how life would be without him. he was the only person who knew everything about you and what you should do in anxious situations.

then, the tears came. would he visit you? would he ever speak to you? would he write or text you? would you ever see him again? will there be time for the two of you to be together again.

“why are you crying? come on, its not that big of a deal.” he huffed loudly, shaking his head in stress that this was not the way this was suppose to happen.

“pedri, you are leaving to the city. i dont even know if i’ll ever get into contact with you anymore. you’ll have new friends, new people to worry about, and probably gonna knock someone up while you’re at it. can’t you just let me process this for one second.” and that’s when you made a mistake. doubting pedri was never a good idea. especially about the people he loved. especially when it came from the person who he loves the most.

pedri got up and looked at you for one last time. unexpectedly, he walked out the door without a word. you sat there in tears, debating to chase him or just let him go. the sobs fully came out.

———————————————————————

2 years had passed since he left. everyday, he thought about you. “what would y/n do? what would y/n say?” he questioned his decisions by following your mindset everyday. he begged his brother to tell how you were doing. never a word budged from fer since the huge fallout spread throughout the city.

tenerife was never the same. since both lost communication, it felt like the island itself was hopeless.

you, continued to push yourself through school. showing everyone that you would do well without him was your motivation. you’ve worked so hard to prove yourself to people that you had a job offer in barcelona.

of course, you accepted the job. people were upset that their beautiful youngin was finally moving on in life. moving into your modern apartment was like a fever dream. you’ve had your doubts, but it was definitely worth it. everyday, there would be news of pedri. pedri, barcelona’s best midfielder. pedri, one of the best young players in the world. pedri, the guy who gets every spanish girl all over him. hell, a video of him was going viral for taking a girl’s number and putting it into his pocket. obviously, it was implied that he would never have a single thought about you. fuck, it was stupid to even try to reach out for him.

after sitting in your living room while trying to find something to entertain yourself that wasn’t pedri related, you decided to go out for once. there seemed so much to do in the city instead of being lazy at home. walking for ages in the wind, you finally found a small cafe to rest. ordering your latte and sitting down, your thoughts were interrupted by a boy.

“excuse me, are you y/n?” said a boy that was not too much younger than you.

“yes i am,” you nodded your head slowly before taking a slow sip. it was a little awkward considering he looked at you in shock.

“i’m sorry. i’m pablo gavi. or known as gavi. you’re the person on pedri’s lock screen. he always talks about you during practice. holy shit, i never thought i would meet you. are you visiting him?”

what the fuck just happened. pedri still remembers me? why am i his lock screen? why does he talk about me? what does he say? for a moment, you sat there trying to understand what he said. gavi, confused on why you’re frozen in time, waved his hand in front of your face to make sure you’re okay.

“oh no, i’m not visiting. pedri and i don’t really talk anymore,” you shook your head and forced a little smile. only to ease the tension of gavi’s then saddened look.

“that’s weird. he talks about you like you’re his girlfriend or something. i thought you were doing long distance,” he shrugged his shoulders. “maybe you should visit camp nou. i think he’ll be happy to see you.”

quickly, you rejected his offer. “oh no, we exactly didn’t end off our friendship in the best terms. i think it’s better if we just don’t see each other again.”

“i insist. i’ll give you my number and i’ll text you all the details.” he took his arm giving you his phone. you bowed your head in defeat and put your phone number in.

unfortunately, everyone’s eyes had been on you and gavi.

———————————————————————

the next morning, your phone was blown up in notifications. your best friend constantly texting you on how you’re viral on twitter. paparazzi snapped pictures of your interaction with gavi.

“fuck.” you mumbled before groaning in defeat. you knew you had faced defeat in keeping a low-profile.

gavi, you knew, was for sure fucked. if pedri had seen the pictures, he was definitely getting beat up.

during practice, gavi kept his best to avoid his best friend. when pedri came up to him, he quickly turned pale.

“what’s wrong with you? you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” pedri patted him on his back with a small laugh. gavi sighed in relief. he’s glad to have all his teeth and no black eye before the game.

“yeah, i’m fine.” and that’s when everything wasn’t. balde came up to him, rubbing his head and patting him.

“so, who’s the new girl? it’s all over the internet and not a word from you.” fuck you balde was the first thought that came to gavi’s head. gavi’s head was pounding. he didnt know what to say, how to react, or what to do.

“wow gavi. what other secrets are you keeping from us. let me see the picture balde.” pedri laughed even harder from the thought of gavi even approaching a girl. at that moment, gavi had to remind himself that he wasn’t 9 anymore. he couldn’t just simply run and cry his way out of this. luckily, balde only showed pedri the picture from the window. when you were facing towards him and could only see him offering his phone. gavi’s blood started to circulate again and his heart rate slowed.

“i cant really see her face, but she looks so familiar to me.” well no shit jackass. that was the girl you’ve been in love with since second grade. in fact, she’s sitting on the side waiting for you.

———————————————————————

your heart was about to jump out in any second. you sat there for two hours for them to be finished with training. each time pedri walked towards your direction, your nerves would start running around. luckily, he didnt see you a single time.

gavi texted you from the locker room that he was coming towards your direction. you never expected this to be happening. you were debating to run away, but your feet forced you to stay. you knew your mind was fighting to hate him, yet your heart convinced you to see him. even if it was the last time. finally, you heard footsteps coming.

pedri was wiping the sweat off his face. he came to a full stop. he thought he was hallucinating. he thought it was a dream. he stared at you for which felt like minutes. admiring your facial features, you sat there frozen. it was harder to read his facial expressions now. did he want you to leave? did he want you there? why isn’t he saying anything?

what felt like years, he started walking towards you. again, your nerves were still jumping. eventually, he made his way in front of you. suddenly, he smiled.

“holy shit you’re beautiful.” the state of confusion turned into love with one simple kiss. your lips connecting made the world happier. the air cleared. the atmosphere was different.

it felt peaceful.

———————————————————————

author’s note: hi everyone! i’m so glad you enjoyed my first story let’s be tourists. this is my second time i’m writing on tumblr, so im still getting use to it. i will be taking requests once i figure out how to set it up. please let me know if you have any suggestions on what i could improve on. thank you for all of the support !!! <3

[o-xurxur-o-sosoj]

I recently experienced the most intense somatic + mental shift Ive had in years.

Coincidentally I am now no longer going to be present at family functions where my younger sister-(not)-in-law is going to be, because I would catch some assault charges. :V

Shifts for me, especially when I was a preteen first awakening to them, were very intense and often triggered by people violating my boundaries or purposefully upsetting me. One time, when I was like 13, I remember being smacked really hard in the back during a play fight, blacking out in rage/pain, and coming back to, only to find i had done something to that friend who hit me and made her cry. She caught my teeth *hard* another time when she participated in holding me down and shoving grass up my nose.

And I got in-school suspension for biting a kid i knew so hard that he bruised multiple colors for a week or two -- he took something from a friend, held it up to taunt me, triggered my chase instinct, and then made me get creative to make him drop it- which always ends in teeth.

Therianthropy has always been a thing that I've had to mask and control in order to not get in trouble with humans around me. I have to hide it actively, not passively. And now I cant see my evil monster of a SIL because if I hear her talk about administering ABA "therapy" or being racist or sexist or ableist or whatever the fuck, I WILL attack her. This is like, advanced levels of bullshit she puts out, and Im no longer allowes to see her.

Because the last time I heard about her bullshit, I shifted, and my gaze changed, and my pupils actually narrowed to an absolute pinprick as I felt my vision tunnel and focus on my QPP telling me about his sister. He said I looked like an animal about to attack, and he felt afraid and not sure what to do. I *felt* like an animal about to attack. My body knew what to do when I heard something that made me feel like attacking someone, and narrowed my pupils to focus on my prey. It was kind of wild.

But uh. Yeah this is a thing, in case anyone else out there is struggling to feel seen in having similar shifts to mine. Ones that are about the hunt, the predatory drive, self defense, but all end in teeth and claws and sometimes severe consequences. Im not gonna glorify attacking people, but I will be frank about how often I have bitten people in response to being fucked with, or blacked out and hurt people bc they hurt me so bad the pain made me go berserk.

Shifts for me are often triggered by anger and self defense, come out in the form of me looking like an actual aggro'd predator animal, and are something I had to learn to control. Thats just how it is for some of us. This is why we need acceptance and support now, because animalfolk like us are gonna be the first on the chopping block, and are even stigmatized within our own communities. We're the ones who need the "coping with and control of therianthropy" resources the most, and those just dont seem to exist anymore? :(

[thelittletobsterthatcould]

Chimney Rock is flooded. The town, the entire town of Chimney Rock if GONE. Asheville is cut off from the world, all the bridges that lead into the city are flooded. My mother’s house + her mother are some of the only standing houses in their neighborhood. The rest have been crushed by fallen trees and power lines. They have no power, electricity and little contact with the people near them and are housing 10+ people each. Plus pets.

The only aid my mother, brother (who still lives with my mother) and grandmother—who already live in a rural area is from a local dairy farm and one guy who own a helicopter. Trees and power lines are blocking the only road in and out. They have to walk over 13 miles on foot to get basic supplies and support. All these people have no way to contact their family members who are stuck in their own homes. My family lives in lower income area, lots of trees and nature, and my brother is the youngest person there at 20, my mother is in her 40s and the second youngest.

I’ve seen no news coverage about this, and I know there’s more people and families both alive and dead who are trapped and suffering and are getting zero news coverage about it—even on a local level. I’m sure there’s more, and it’s worse, much worse than I can ever convey but I’m just trying to spread the word. I’m lucky to live with my dad in an area that already has, electricity, power, access to food etc., we have no way to get to my family (all the roads are blocked and the roads that are flooded).

And I (personally) think it stems from the idea that people have of the south. “Oh well why didn’t they just leave??” APPALACHIA IS ONE OF THE MOST POVERISHED REGIONS IN AMERICA THEOR ECONOMY IS COAL AND TOURISM. THESE ARE REGULAR EVERYDAY HARDWORKING PEOPLE.

“They still could have left!!” THERE ARE FUCKING MOUNTAINS!!! MY FAMILY LIVES IN THE UPSTATE AND THEY ARE ALMOST COMPLETELY CUT OFF FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD!! I HAVE SPENT TWO DAYS WORRYING FOR MY FAMILY WONDERING IF THEY WERE ALIVE!!!WONDERING IF MY PHYSICALLY DISABLED GRANDFATHER WHO LIVES EVEN FURTHER IN THE COUTRY THAN THEN IS ALIVE!!

PEOPLE ARE STUCK!! PEOPLE ARE TRAPPED WITH NO ACCESS TO A HOSPITAL!!! TENNESSEE WAS HIT, THEY AREN’T NEAR THE FUCKING COAST!!! WHY WOULD THEY EXPECT TO GET HIT??? ENTIRE TOWNS DONT EXSIST ANYMORE!!!

AND NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT IT OTHER THAN OTHER SOUTHERNERS!! BUT IF THIS HURRICANE HIT THE NORTH PEOPLE WOULD TALK ABOUT FOR WEEKS, BE DEVASTATED AND OFFER AND AID THEY CAN!! BUT BECAUSE ITS HITTING THE SOUTH NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT IT OTHER THAN US!!!

I learned a long time ago about the concept of mountain strong. And I really truly believe it not, our government has failed us and we only have each other to help each other out. For the days leading up to this, we heard about the impact and to be ready if we some wind and rain. I can’t get a reliable source of contact with my mother, brother, grandmother and maternal grandfather. The only reason I know their alive is because someone at the dairy farm had my dads email address and sent him an email.

Have you ever lived in fear of your family—a reasonable size for my family too—being dead? Have you ever stayed up for two night and eaten a can of beans for dinner over a camping stove only to throw it back up because your so afraid of your family being dead? Have you ever cried so hard you threw up and passed out because you were scared your last conversation with any of them ended in a fight?? And have you ever had to see the exact storm that they built up for weeks get no news coverage??? Can you imagine the fear??? The anger??

So yeah, I’m pissed as hell. And I don’t know if this will get any traction, or if anyone will read all this, but I need to spread the word any way I can.

[that-hippie-user]

my mattress now permanently knows my secret. Hope it keeps it well because it’s a really nice mattress but it’s so clear I peed it

how did you tell them? you’re an impressive person

time for another LONGPOST so indulge me for a moment while i ramble

well, with my dad it was a long time coming. :( i had this fear of him passing one day never knowing, and id be left never finding out if he'd accept me for who i am.

one day, after... escaping a traumatic time in my life, me and him were splitting cost for a hotel room to beat the heat. summer was wicked hot, we lived in texas at the time, and he was living in a car with no AC, so it was a welcome reprieve.

i decided that would be the week i tell him, i even wrote down a little mock contract to myself and signed it to make it happen.

:( it was a dark time in my life. i had just escaped some terrible abuse, i just got approved for disability, i was living in a shitty apartment my mom owned, and trying to figure out what to do in life.

but i knew i wanted to heal, and i knew healing meant getting in touch with my ab/dl side. so, after working up the nerve to buy a teddy bear (who i keep to this day) i knew it was inevitable.

i pulled up a website explaining diaper fetish and paraphilic infantilism. i adjusted the text size on my phone so dad could read it easier.

i showed it to him, and his response was "why would you ever be ashamed of this?" saying that what makes me comfortable is my business.

.... XD but imma put a BIG asterix there * cuz some years later it would come up in discussion again in a VERY different way. i'll sum up.

Me: yeah, love my friends. its nice to have folks to talk about my kink with.

Dad: kink?

Me: yeah?

Dad: how do you mean kink?

Me: you know, the diaper thing?

Dad: i thought that was a fetish.

Me: it... is? those words are synonyms.

Dad: no, a fetish is like an obsession you got, like some people do with feet. a kink is like... something you like about your partner or something you do with them in bed. getting spanked is kinky, me admiring a womans back is kinky.

Me: yeah, okay, i get that, but how is that different from a fetish?

Dad: a fetish isnt sexual.

Me: ...yes, it is. thats what fetish means.

Dad: ...i'm confused, you find diapers sexy?

Me: i mean... yeah?

Dad: how does... why would that be sexy? how does someone use it for sex things?

Me: idk, off the top of my head... masturbate while wearing one?

Dad: wouldnt that get in the way though? thats so cumbersome.

Me: idk what to tell you, its a sensory thing, we like the feeling and the noise they make.

Dad: and you and your friends share this.

Me: yeah, we do.

Dad: ... i'm gonna be honest, if i knew thats what it was about, i might have said it was a little weird and not to bring that up around people. but, you do you.

Me: well, seemed to work out okay.

Dad: sure sure, just be careful. dangerous world for trans people, dont want you getting hurt.

Me: thanks, i'll be careful.

XD so, okay, that was a bit weird to talk about years after my tense as hell confession and insane relief at his unconditional love.

:P but hey, he knows it makes me happy and has no judgement for it.

XD hilariously, before my big move, he had to wear one of my spars (he doesnt normally wear, it was just a bad day for him physically and he wanted a precaution.), and after the fact he admitted-

"i didnt realize there were diapers this comfortable. i think i understand you a bit better. the part about feeling comfy in them anyway."

:3 so yeah, long road to this point but now i got no fear of shame from my dad.

XD as for my mom, much more mundane. she saw me coming out about it on an older tumblr of mine, we talked briefly about it in the car, she gets it.

.w. my mom kinda got her own thing goin on in the kink community, so THAT doesnt suprise me anymore. my family is strange.

XD gonna cease rambling now, my life story could fill a trilogy of books, and im only in my late 20s!

point is, my fam is mostly accepting.

[ravensncrowsx]

YALL YALL YALL

I HAVE NEW LORE ITS ACTUALLY UNBELIEVABLE /neg

um tw family issues, lots of yelling, and emotional manipulation and stuff 😍

under the cut this time because tumblr is mean and didnt tell me that my tags cut off :(( also its kinda in tag format cause it was originally supposed to be in tags 💔

YALL YOURE IN FOR A WILD RIDE

I swear to god this shit is actually hilarious

ok objectively we're probably like super dysfunctional BUT HEAR ME OUT

okay so very important background information: when this happened it was like. 6pm

SIX PM IM TELLING YOU its like they're not even trying to hide it anymore???

they usually keep the manipulation until like after 9pm at least?? but 6pm is CRAZY

anyway so long story short my sister and i were playing a game and i won and my sister usually wins this game

so ofc i was like bragging saying that i won bcs how could i not??

my sister is like nine btw

anyway we got into a play fight when then turned into a real fight with her trying to hit me as per usual idrc tho

so then my mom came out of the kitchen and was like lecturing us about hitting our siblings

she's like always rlly weird abt play fighting like apparently she never ever fought with either of her own sisters????? like. in any way.

i dont fucking believe that lie

more bg info in case you missed it: apparently my sister hit some guy at school like last week and no one told me

and i was kinda confused and asking about it and my mom told me to never ask about it again

SO then my mom was like “you told me you'd never hit anyone ever again” to my sister (ok ref to hitting that guy? breaking her own rules??)

and my sister throughout this entire thing (which took like 1.5 hours?) was pretty much silent

which like obviously I dont blame her lmao

anyway she was saying the usual like sisters dont fight etc etc

off topic but like bro is this an asian thing or what like why is talking about violence taboo esp within families

anyway I don't remember specifically how it happened

but one thing led to another and suddenly we were talking about the exact timestamps of last night

in case u didn't know last night was terrifying. my mom asked me to do the dishes asap but then turned on the alarm clock sounds

that i FUCKING DESPISE (it makes me cry its horrible) so i was like stuck in my room until it turned off ages later at like 8:30pm

and i was HEALING from that TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE. so then according to ME i did the dishes at approximately 10pm

according to my mom i did the dishes at 12AM???? TWELVE AM???????

which is???? impossible?? i know this because i was taking late night selfies of my new clothes at 11pm after washing the dishes at 10pm

and went to bed BEFORE 12am. also why would i do the dishes at 12am be so so fr rn omg

BAHAHHAA I CANT WHY DID SHE JUST ASK ME TO DO THE DISHES AGAINN 😭😭🙏 thats acc hilarious

anyway back to the topic we were very heatedly discussing the exact timestamps of me washing the dishes

which tbh i don't even care usually BUT SHES WRONG. shes wrong for this one and i need to tell her that okay like

one hour diffference isnt even that bad but two hours?? esp the difference between 10 and 12???

HOW does she mix this up. im 100% sure that im correct this time im not even kidding

ok ANYWAY one thing led to another again and she started talking to my sister WHO WASNT EVEN INVOLVED IN ALL THIS BTW

she brought up the hitting that guy thing again and she was like "remember what we talked about? rememeber you promised me that you would never ever hit someone again?"

"you shouldn't let those kinds of people get to you, you should always use your words and not your hands"

and "you cant argue with those kinds of people bcs they always think theyre correct and youre wrong so just convince them with your words" etc etc

i KNOW that by "those kinds of people" she meant me like i was standing right there and one of her favorite ways of emotionally manipulating people

is to like talk about that person negatively to someone else like they're not there even though she made sure that that person is listening (it works unfortunately)

the problem is that my sister DIDNT EVEN HIT ME TODAY??

btw shes a hypocrite just wanted to mention it 😋

wrote a lil note to my sister saying im here for her and stuff (embarrassing) (still havent figured out how to bring up the fact that i know shes gay) (double embarrassing)

also very funny and very very petty but my mom has always said that shes never messed up cooking steamed egg before

and right after yelling at us, she messed up the egg and we ended up eating scrambled eggs instead lmao thats kinda hilarious sorry

ALSO GET THIS my mom has mentioned multiple times (not just on this occasion) that im gonna kill my dad if he gets too angry bcs we're misbehaving so. uh

am i allowed to say skill issue or is that

yippee!!

ummm i kinda forgot what else happened sorry i wrote more but it disappeared :[ kinda over it now but that was an. interesting experience. like all other experiences with my parents

craziest part was def all of it happening before even 7pm tho. or maybe my mom thinking i did the dishes at 12am man idk

conclusion: fun times!!!1!!!!!1!!!11!1111

[acidichcl]

Huge rant incoming about my life. Sorry, i just really want to get this out

Ngl im really tired. I've done so much for my dad but he just keeps on messing up. Im very tired. From when i was 15, to end of high school, i raised money to take care of me, my dad, and my little brother. We could not even eat, but i reached out to people in my school, and thanks to their help, we were able to make it work. But then everyone had to graduate, and we cant rely on them forever.

Then, me and my little brother had to separate from my dad. We were supossed to live with my mom, but my mom lives with her boyfriend in a very small apartment. So we both lived alone. My dad had no phone, so i lent him mine. My mom scolded me for it cuz i care too much abt my dad (she actually said some things that genuinely broke my heart, it almost drove me to su*cide) but i just had to know that he was still there. We talked using gmail, and he would always send me emails abt how sorry he is and to forgive him because he hasnt eaten in days and he tells me hes going to die. So i opened commissions and worked my ass off while i was still in school, to send him money like every week. Then my mom couldnt take care of us anymore so we got sent back

My dad is a very smart man. He went to MIT, he had a good paying job. But he did not like his boss overloading him with work, so he talked back to him and got fired. It's a shame, but i guess i can let it slide. That company did end up going bankrupt since that incident. He then had a job opportunity overseas. Passed the interview and everything. All he had to do was send proof that he did go to MIT. So he did, and with whose money? Mine. It's like a few hundred dollars to send the documents to them. They accepted it and wanted him to start working. But he changed his mind. He did not wanna go to work 🙃 his reasoning was bc he'd die of loneliness and stress bc me and my little brother wont be there with him. Obviously i dont want him to die, so i just let it slide. But again, i cant force him to go anyway. He's the adult

Then, we had a friend who owned a little food spot. My dad and them were very good friends, and theyd let us eat for free. They told my dad to just treat them as a family, ask for anything. But my dad's pride and ego refused to tell them what he wants. Is he there for food? Is he there for the internet? They cant read his mind. So he cut ties with them, even left his bike there. He got so angry that they did not immediately come with his food, he didnt even wanna talk to them about getting his bike back, so he walked home. It's still locked in their garage to this day. I guess i can let this slide, i understand not wanting to look like a beggar asking for food. But i feel like if my dad was more friendly, theyd approach him. But whatever, im still sad about us not having a bike anymore. A shame :( I had some job opportunities but I have no transport

My dad had many times yelled at me for acting like im superior or smarter than him. Maybe out of frustration i have accidentally acted like that. So i just did what he told me to do. To shut up and let him do the work, while i do all the house chores and cooking. After all, i am a girl. That is my job. I'm fine with it, if it helps my dad focus better

I cry everyday. I pray, hoping that my parents, esp my dad, becomes nicer. He has never hurt me physically, but he is not a nice or gentle person. I cant talk some sense onto him. Noone can. Even the fact we were close to dying of starvation, this didnt budge him at all. He did think of becoming more gentle and kind, but whenever he lashes out and be negative, he tells me it's just his character and he cant change.

I dont doubt one bit that he loves us. My parents loves me and my little brother, im sure of it. But not enough to think of consequences of their actions. Instead, it's me and my little brother having to sacrifice some stuff so that the consequences doesnt hit us as hard. I love my dad and i dont want anything bad to happen to him. My mom also wants to take care of us but she cant handle being close to my dad. My dad has sent her death threats before (it's not out of no where. My mom did something bad, but still. Pretty harsh) So its either kick my dad out and leave him to die on the streets, or we'll forever live like this.

Going through all these bad things isnt the painful thing. It's the fact that there has been so many opportunities thrown at us but it was thrown away because of pride and ego. If only my parents can work together. But they both have their problems, and no matter what i do, it's not good enough, or im to be blamed if something goes wrong

These issues have been going on since grade 3. I remember it all. It's just getting bad as I grow older. Sometimes i wonder if im gone, will they realize the error of their ways? Or will they just blame eachother even more, and hurt my little brother instead? So i have to stay. Somehow i have to just endure it. I dont know how, but i hope everything will be worth it at the end 🙁

[bridgyrose]

Weiss is upset her mom got turned into a werewolf

But not as upset as she is that Ruby dumped her for her mother

(For obvious reasons, I'm not going to be doing Ruby x Willow as a ship. Though, I still think I stayed true to the prompt for the most part)

“Ruby, this is ridiculous,” Weiss said as she pinched the bridge of her nose. It was bad enough that she was talked into coming back to Atlas to visit family, but even this was a bit much. “I know things arent exactly going as we had planned, but please think this over.” 

“And I have thought it over,” Ruby answered. “I’ve thought about this over the week we’ve been here. I dont have those feelings for you like I used to.” 

“We can work all of this out.” 

Ruby closed her suitcase and sighed. “And we tried. We’ve tried for years to make this work and we’ve grown apart. I need someone who can be there by my side on missions. And your mom… she… she understands what I want.” 

Weiss took a deep breath and wiped away a couple stray tears from eyes. “Fine, if you want to go after her, then by all means do so. But she’s just going to use you. Just like she does everyone else.” 

“I’m sorry Weiss.” 

Weiss waved her off and flinched when she heard the door close. Ever since Jacques died and her mother started to come into her own, life had become… complicated. Sure, Willow wasnt as bad as bad as Jacques, but she still used others in her own way. Sleeping around for money and power, taking risks she normally wouldnt… she could understand finding freedom but this was a bit much. 

All because she was turned into a werewolf. 

Weiss gripped the sheets on her bed, fingers shaking. Her family legacy as hunters keeping humanity safe from monsters worse than grimm, thrown away without a second thought. It almost seemed like it was just a game to Willow. To see how far she could drag the Schnee name until they lost everything. 

She finally picked herself up and off her bed, stormed out of her bedroom and made her way down the manor halls to find her mother. Her hand went to the hilt of the rapier that sat on her hip as she power walked through the halls, focused on her task. She would do whatever it took to win Ruby back, even if she had to kill her own mother to do it. 

Once Weiss made it to the master bedroom, she threw open the door and pulled her rapier off her hip. “Mother, we need to talk.” 

Willow smiled with a toothy grin, sharpened canines on display as she stood up. White-silver fur lined the wolf ears on top of her head and the tail she sported. “Of course, dear, anything you want.” 

“We… we need to fix our family reputation,” Weiss struggled to say as she watched her mother. It was easy to say that Willow was more monster than person anymore, whoever, there was a part of her that couldnt seem to move forward with her plan. “We need to start defending those who cant defend themselves from monsters-” 

“And which… monsters… do you refer to, Weiss?” Willow cut Weiss off with a growl. Her smile faded as she made her way behind her daughter, running claw-like nails down her arms. “Grimm? Atlas hasnt had to worry about them in years and there’s enough huntresses around to keep people safe.” She paused and lowered her voice to a harsh whisper. “Or are you talking about people like me?” 

Weiss took a deep breath to calm herself and turned around to face her mother, hands shaking as she held her rapier to her mother’s chest. “You know exactly what I mean.” 

“But tell me, my dear daughter, do you really believe in that reputation? In the name that Jacques created? Dont you want to live your own legacy? To be free?” 

Weiss froze and dropped her rapier as she watched her mother shift into a wolf right before her eyes. Of course she had forgotten the full moon was tonight. And yet, no matter how many times she’d faced werewolves and vampires, she couldnt find it in herself to kill her mother. Instead, all she could do was stare at the beast in front of her until she felt her mother’s teeth sink down into her arm. 

The next thing Weiss remembered was waking up in the streets of Mantle, clothes torn as she shakily picked herself up. Her legs felt like jello as she took each wobbling step, leaning against the buildings to keep her balance. Her stomach growled and her mouth started to water as she smelled meat cooking from a nearby diner. 

She froze as she stopped by a mirror and finally caught her reflection. A fresh, scarred bite mark from a wolf stood against her skin, the telltale sign that she had become one of the monsters that she had hunted. She traced the scar with her fingers, wincing with how tender it still felt. A solemn sigh left her lips as she continued onward for breakfast… and to make a new plan to get Ruby back. 

[away-ward]

im sorry for this rant KO, but why on earth is the bonus content for nightfall is the start of the horsemen? Like omfg. I really dont need it to exist because i like the mystery of them. Why can't we just have a willemmy bonus 😭 i'm so fucking upset. I initially wanted to pre-order the paperback but thinking about that whole alex drama in BC, i didn't, thank the lord for that! But i was still hoping for a willemmy bonus or maybe a will or emmy's back story, but we're getting to see Damon, A-FUCKING-GAIN? How many fucking bonus do we have to see him??! Fuck, i'm so upset, idk who to rant this with because i don't talk about this series to anybody irl.

Excerpt from PD's insta:

DAMON GRABS HIS JACKET OFF THE COURT AND PULLS IT ON AS HE LEAVES.

"YOU OKAY?" MICHAEL ASKS KAI.

BUT KAI JUST GESTURES TO DAMON WHO PUSHES THROUGH THE HEAVY DOUBLE DOORS. "I TOLD YOU, MAN," HE BLURTS OUT TO MICHAEL. "HE'S TROUBLE."

"NO," MICHAEL QUICKLY RETORTS, LOOKING IN THE DIRECTION DAMON LEFT. "HE'S AN ENFORCER, KAI."

HIS FRIEND STARES AT HIM.

"AND EVERY TEAM NEEDS ONE," MICHAEL ADDS, DROPPING THE BASKETBALL INTO KAI'S HANDS. "TELL THE COACH I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

end-

🥲 ngl, i'm so sick of damon's appearance, at this point not only his character wasn't my fav, pd over-pushing him makes me really hate him now. "He's the enforcer" ughhhh, and when did this branding ever came up in the devil's night series? I only remember this point being discussed here on your blog of your meta about damon's character and his implicit role in their friend group and family. Istg i really never saw his role being discussed and branded like this anywhere, so the only place it could happen was in the private chat's of their pendragon fb group or between PD and their editor/most trusted beta readers. Istg the pettier side of me feels like some of PD's fb group fans saw your discussion posts here with other anons and told on PD, then they got inspired by you ideas about "his role" in the family. Which in theory, i don't see much wrong from it, but truly, where did this role establishment and branding came from? And ofc in PD's fashion, they had to rebrand Damon's role to be positive and borderline inspiring 🙄

and fuck, who cares about logic right? Definitely not PD when they kept on writing A and meaning B in their stories, but kept on being pissed off when readers understood it as A. 🤡

at this point, i'm not even excited anymore for this bonus content. I genuinely thought something good will come out of it, but with their opinion of willemmy a few weeks ago, and now with this. Idk. But I just know and fully sure now that PD just wanted to avoid the alex-aydin-will-emmy qna discussion extra materials, because they knew they fucked that one up, and many readers hated it, and so they probably want to just bury that shit and move past it. So of course, we'll never gonna get a willemmy bonus content. Ugh. I can't fault them for wanting to move on, but for someone who wnats to move on so bad and ignore the uncomfy parts of their own mistake in writing, they sure as hell is still be talking and hinting at this series from time to time especially for their most fav characters 🙄

but fr KO, it really left a sour taste in my mouth when an author behaves like this. Penelope Douglas is just so, ugh, idk. At this point ideky i'm still hoping for them to be better tbh when they've always been known to be problematic, like they're always just so disappointing. I need to detach my feelings for books i like to read with their authors, because i'm just gonna end up upset like this. But it's so hard!!! Especially when they're indies and you like some parts of the things they put out, and can't always find it anywhere else. Ughhh. i heard that series by Monty Jay was giving DN, so i might check it out, and i really hope it's better.

+ when you get a reach of the bonus materials, will you be sharing them here and share your thoughts and opinions about them? I'm a big yapper and i just wanna yap with somebody about it frfr.

Hey. Oh man, I feel your pain.

I really dont need it to exist because i like the mystery of them. Why can't we just have a willemmy bonus

Ohh, I wish I was with you on this but I’m actually excited about it. As someone who wants to understand these characters better, and who absolutely goes bonkers over character origin stories, this is right up my alley. I never expected any kind of Willemmy scene, so maybe I’m not as disappointed as I would be otherwise.

From what I heard, there are some willemmy scenes in this origin story though! So not all hope is lost (although I don’t know how it’s supposed to make sense, since I’ve also heard that this starts during their freshmen year and Emmy’s a year younger so… but whatever. I’m just happy for the moments!)

I am so sorry that this isn’t what you wanted!

Istg the pettier side of me feels like some of PD's fb group fans saw your discussion posts here with other anons and told on PD, then they got inspired by you ideas about "his role" in the family. Which in theory, i don't see much wrong from it, but truly, where did this role establishment and branding came from?

As much as this idea tickles me, the fact is that this was probably written months ago, and I only really had that discussion with in the past few weeks. More than likely, we were just picking up on something PD was implying the entire time.

But I just know and fully sure now that PD just wanted to avoid the alex-aydin-will-emmy qna discussion extra materials, because they knew they fucked that one up, and many readers hated it, and so they probably want to just bury that shit and move past it.

I’m still holding out of that pinterest board and discussion questions (though, it may be a lost cause). It just seems so stupid that they’d withhold those two things since they’re so minor compared to the bonus scene.

they sure as hell is still be talking and hinting at this series from time to time especially for their most fav characters

Coming from a writer’s perspective, it’s hard to let your favs go. Long after the other characters stop “speaking” to you, your favs come back. You still see them doing stuff. And PD is proud of the series, so of course they’re not going to bury it.

But yes, I agree that the fandom has been pretty loud about wanting some more willemmy content for some closure, and it shouldn’t be this hard to sit and think about the characters and deliver something, just to be kind to your readers and fans. I can’t say why PD is so resistant to it, but that’s for them to know.

i heard that series by Monty Jay was giving DN, so i might check it out, and i really hope it's better.

I had to look it up, and I’m assuming you’re speaking about the hollow boys? I haven’t read it, but if you do get around to it, I hope you enjoy it.

Regarding PD, I hardly ever look into the background of an author or give them a second thought. I also have never had the desire to contact an author, or do meet and greets or anything, that’s just me. So, I’ve never had the issue of needing to detach a work from an author, but I can see the struggle.

+ when you get a reach of the bonus materials, will you be sharing them here and share your thoughts and opinions about them? I'm a big yapper and i just wanna yap with somebody about it frfr.

I absolutely will share my thoughts, of course! I might do a reading react, or just a summary of my thoughts, whatever feels right. Again, I feel for your frustration and disappointment. The let down is never easy, but you'll read better books in the future. This isn't the last of it for you. So look forward to finding your next favorite read.

-KO

[razzle-zazzle]

(Long winded anon from before) Hiccup doing a loud double take at Snoutlout being alive is gonna make me cry. these guys are such jerks to each other but man do they care deep down. hiccup's so happy that snotlout made it :') if only they had a better relationship i'm sure they'd both be able to relate to the idea that their bodies don't feel quite the same or even fully their own anymore.

(btw i love your nuanced spitelout take from the tags. i think he's really interesting both as a character and as a figure who's really messed up his son, he needs studied for how efficiently he's a bad father tbh.)

honestly the Snotlout mental breakdown my brain gave me was kinda a mess so sorry if it doesnt make sense.

but i imagine that snotlout was really raw after the heather report 1&2. first cause heather stole the scales (which even if he hates them low key they're HIS), then because he didnt even get a choice to tell everyone. their biggest enemies in the moment found out and then his five closest friends, bad order for any reveal honestly.

yeah it worked out and they got Heather and her family out of there and safe again. his friends even took the shifting thing okay but the fact that this part of himself that he feels deep shame for is out in the open feels like something that would only make him crank the obnoxious attitude to a thousand.

thus making everyone's ability to do math about his trauma ten thousand times harder. also i dont know that he'd realise that no one realised yet that he was the dragon in the arena. he'd be on pins and needles waiting for someone to mention it again making him go through it not realising that by worrying about it he was alreadying reliving it without them even mentioning it.

To me his emotional constipation was part of what made the scene in my brain so devestating, cause everyone would be talking about the events of the movie with hiccup super curious about his toothless bonding not realising that every time they talk about the arena and that 'missing strange nightmare' that its him. untill of course astrid does the math and tries to talk to about with him.

Astrid may of course also be emotionally constipated but she understands that this might be a personal thing for him. so i think she'd try to apologise for busting his hand up pretty bad only for Snotlout to brush it off agressively.

also i think fishlegs would make a dig or two about it it uninentionally. cause in rob and dob he goes through an arc where he becomes more confident but also lowkey hates snotlout for while so he probably wasnt being careful with his words, plus without knowing that snotlout was in the arena him mentioning the 'weird nightmare' he wants to study could easily sound like a threat.

to me it'd be the twins that accidentally pushed him into the semi public breakdown in front of the friendgroup. they'd make one to many jokes about his weeks 'surviving in the woods' and snotlout thinking that they are mocking him would snap. cause i think he realised how paper thin that story was too. it makes sense when you dont think about it or don't know he can shift but the second they all learned he could he probably felt like the dragon was out of the bag so to speak.

in my brain he just had this huge emotional word vomit about how none of them respect him. and how they all dont care about him and that clearly they just want the firepower for the team. not him and in general i think he'd just be shouting at them for awhile about how he feels but in the way he does in not lout where he just says stuff like 'i wont be on the streets!' without telling them AT ALL how he came to that conclusion.

OUGH AUGH OUGHHHHH I AM EATING THESE WORDS UP OW OW OUGHHHHHHHHH

Hiccup was definitely surprised! Flabbergasted, even! And also a little (kind of a lot) thrown off by how out of character Snotlout is. He definitely walks away from that interaction going "o... kay..." before refocusing on the task he originally set out to do.

(I really do think exploring Spitelout as a person is way more interesting than reducing him to "Snotlout's shitty dad". He sucks and I want him away from Snotlout but he's also still a character in his own right. and I can use that suckage to my own ends >:]]]c)

I mean, breakdowns do tend to be pretty messy, don't they?

And yeah Snotlout is SO UPSET after "The Heather Report II", yeah he kind of finally gets the hang of flying but like. Ohhhh you hit the nail on the head he is NOT having a good time! And also this is the point where he realizes that damage to his scales will hurt him!

IT DOESSSS HE GETS SO OBNOXIOUS ABOUT IT. Initially he's blustering about being fine and snapping at everyone to drop it when they try to bring up the shapeshifting, then he's bragging about how awesome it is to be a dragon even as he's angrily stuffing the scales back into a satchel. He's so so obnoxious you're right.

Hiccup recognizes that Snotlout's the small arena nightmare right away! Though immediately after stating this he asks if this is the reason why the small arena nightmare refused to do the hand trick: because Snotlout was messing with him? And Snotlout snickers because he does think it's pretty funny that every time Hiccup tried to connect with his dragon form Snotlout's outright ignored him just be a shit. Which of course derails the conversation away from the kill ring!

OUGH. AUGH. Astrid does realize that if Snotlout was the small arena nightmare, and if she broke the small arena nightmare's wing-claws, then -> she's the one who broke Snotlout's knuckles, and she does try to apologize, but Snotlout cranks up the obnoxiousness so bad because he doesn't want to really confront the memory that Astrid's bringing up. He uses her apology as an excuse to flirt and she knocks him on his ass. Neither of them learned a thing from this encounter.

Fishlegs makes less comments about Snotlout's dragonself and more general comments about how Snotlout sucks. He probably does at one point make a pointed comment about how Snotlout's "an insult to the intelligence and strength of dragons", though.

Post-reveal the twins spend a LOT of time trying to goad Snotlout into turning into a dragon for various schemes (or just because they wanna see it). This is both incredibly annoying for Snotlout AND feeds into his ego, as the twins are wont to do. And AUGH AUGHH THE TWINS MAKING JOKES ABOUT SNOTLOUT'S "TIME IN THE WOODS" OUGHHHH

OUGH AUGH. OH I CAN SEE THAT. MAYBE NOT IN RIDERS BUT DEFINITELY IN DEFENDERS I CAN SEE THIS BREAKDOWN HAPPENING. OUGHHHHHHHHHHH

[lunart-06]

I just imagine hinaegi spending christmas together and how they would take turns on who to spend it with. The first year they decide to spend it with makoto's family (the thh kids, komaru and maybe some friends makoto made on the future foundation), Hajime is nervous out of his mind, he spent weeks in advance searching for the best gifts for everyone, specially togami (even tho makoto assured him everything would be okay.) he enters the room fucking sweating, but everything turns out to be amazing!!! The vibes are just so cozy, and even with the initial nervousness, Hajime feels like he's home in a few hours, he gets to hear a bunch of stories of makoto from the others, be it the stories from his childhood that komaru tells everyone while makoto hides his face in embarrasment, or be it the little facts about the killing game that the friends accidentally slip up, Hajime instantly feels guilty, but makoto quickly pats his cheeks and moves his attention elsewhere, overall, amazing! good food, christmas songs, cozy vibes, an amazing christmas.

so, next year they decide to spend it with the jabberwock kids, and makoto is super excited, he goes out with a big list of gifts to buy for every single one of them, and well.. hajime is also super excited! but at the same time, he wonders how it will go, dont get me wrong!! he loves all his friends with his entire heart, but they are a bit intense, so he will calmly tell everyone to act AS GOOD AS THEY CAN, and when the christmas party starts, everything seems to be going well, they are all at a table and stuff, until an hour passes and hajime CANNOT find makoto anymore, hes being passed back and forth to every single one of them, Hajime wants to spend some time with makoto only to find out Ibuki took him away and is trying to make him play the guitar, he grabs makoto and takes him away, only to look around the next second and find Hiyoko trying to paint his nails while she taunts him on how he would look much prettier if he cut that ahoge off, hajime tries again, but he gives up after a while of competing for his boyfriend with his friends, its hard, and with nagito tho.. he wouldnt leave makoto alone the WHOLE night, hajime is absolutely ehxausted the other day, while makoto loved it! well, they'll never have a boring christmas.

OH OH I LIKE THIS!!!! VERY MUCH!! I JUST WOKE UP AND THIS ALREADY MADE MY MORNING!!!

I want them to have a christmas together, just the two of them, after the second day. But sadly Makoto was still duty bound as the new headmaster and Hajime still needs to check on and handling his classmates and the island. So they just spend the 3rd night via video call, talking about their own days wether it be something mundane, embarrassing, or very privately embarrassing to the point one has to ask himself why did he even have to tell that one while the other just laugh on their seat.

Or just reminicing the days, doing some small vents and just be openly deep and vulnerable with one another knowing the other would never judge them for it, afterall, they're on the same boat in the burdens of the world and reliability.

[joelmiller321]

the abandonment|| Joel miller 📚😫🥵

in which you see joel abandoning Natalina in their relationship

part 1

natalina's pov

i wake alone naked and sigh. he's gone...again. i get in the shower and wonder how i got here. how we got here. joel and i. we got together. we were happy. everything was fine. ellie's become like my own. joel's opened up about his traumas and i did the same. we made a family. me, him, ellie. now somehow...for some reason...we only have sex. it's the only time i genuinely get to have him and feel close again. but he's gone in the morning. avoiding. he spends all day with Gina. a pretty blonde woman, out on patrols, walking around jackson. smiling, laughing. comfortable. he doesn't even try anymore.

i love him. and it's why i stay. it's why i let him touch me even though im crying on the inside. he's losing me and doesn't even seem to notice. or care. ellie's even noticed the distance. i lie to her and tell her im fine. that we both are. she's a kid. she shouldn't have to worry about our relationship or the lack of one we have now. i'm holding onto this. us. joel and i for dear life and he doesn't even seem to care. but how many cold dinners after waiting for him to come home after he's agreed to it am i supposed to take?

how long am i supposed to lay there and clutch onto him, taking his cock because it's the only piece of him he'll let me have? how long am i supposed to swallow pain seeing how much happier she makes him? how miserable i make him? but i do it and i don't know if i have much of it left in me. i really dont. i finish in the shower and dress in

i step downstairs and see ellie came in from her shed out back. she smiles and says "morning ma" i smile "morning ellie want food?" she shakes her head "already went and got some. Joel here?" i sigh "is he ever?" looking and seeing another left over dinner from last night that joel did not show up for. but he did come in late and we had sex. it's the only thing he wants me for. my heart won't let go of him even if i know i should. at this point im just his live in whore.

she sighs "i thought he was staying in today, with us?" another broken promise and now it's including ellie. i shrug "think he got busy kid." "well what did he say?" she asks. i sigh and admit "nothing. he doesn't talk to me much anymore ellie. he was gone when i woke up" she says "but you two are in love. disgustingly so. i don't know what's going on with him. but it will pass. he'll come around just wait" hope in her voice. confusion. pain in her eyes and pity with the way she's looking at me. i sigh "i don't think i have it in me to wait any longer kid" grabbing a apple to settle on.

she asks "have you told him you're..." pregnant. i'm only 4 weeks. i shake my head "ma you have to tell him. he deserves to know" why? so he can just abandon this child? i'm not even sure if i even want to keep it at this point. i don't think i should. not with the way our relationship is. not with how he's making me feel. i tell her "im not even sure i want to keep it ellie. i'm really not" i don't want to be a single mother. i've seen how it went with my mother. an abusive father in and out of our lives. her equally shitty boyfriends. i can't do it. i won't. and joel knows. i also know joel's trauma, how he lost sarah. how will he even react to this?

he's never mentioned wanting another kid. hell him coming around to ellie was like pulling teeth. "he deserves to know either way" she tells me and i sigh "i know. i gotta go."

she takes my hand "it's not safe for you to work with the horses now ma. they could hurt you" she's the only one here who would care about such a thing. i sigh "joel's not here and he's not going to be. i need to get out of this house" she nods "then i'm coming with you." i nod and we head out and walk toward the barns me eating an apple. i pause seeing him. joel. with her. smiling. "ma cmon." she calls. i see how she's touching him. smiling gripping onto his arms. leeching onto him. and he doesn't stop her. "ma don't look at that cmon" and his eyes meet mine. those eyes i fell in love with. but the man who owns them is not one i recognize anymore.

he steps forward his eyes on me still but she grabs his hand seeing me. he stops and turns to her and she says something that makes her nod and i leave before he can turn to see me if he even does.

joel's pov

i turn back to see my little family but they're gone. i sigh making a note in my head to make me being busy up to them. there's been a lot going on. more raiders. more construction for this place. more. more. more. Gina has been assigned as my partner in it all. having skill in it. she's kind. funny, and makes the day go by easier. that's it. i missed another dinner with Lina. i bet she's pissed with me. seems to be a common occurrence these days. i love her.

Natalina is the best thing to have ever happened to me. truly. she makes me want to be a better man. ellie and i met her on the road to the fireflies. ellie begged me to let her stay. she did get hurt saving my life. listening to ellie is the best decision i've ever made. and slowly...i fell in love with lina. ellie and lina healed me. in a way i never thought i deserve or was possible after losing sarah.

but now...it's like they're...slipping. and i don't know how to stop it. i truly am always working. there's always something that needs fixing. always someone who needs extra hands on a patrol. i want and need this place to be the safest place for them. it's why i work so hard. why i do so much. that and maria still keeps her eye on me believing that im still that guy that did horrible shit with tommy.

i don't and catch a glimpse of her all day. i even went to the stables and Randy said she took ellie out with shimmer and her horse Leroy. damn. Gina stays at my side and talks about i don't even know what anymore. i break out of my thoughts hearing "how's Natalina" she's never brought her up before. i have. in passing. i say "she's fine why?" she shrugs "don't see you two together much anymore is all." yeah i've been busy with everyone else's wants and needs. the only time i get peace is at night and i have the time i do with her. then i wake and do it all over again when all i want to do is stay with her.

later

i sigh walking in the door and kick my shoes off "joel?" it's ellie. she's usually back to her shed by now. i smile "hey kiddo" she asks "what are you doing?" arms crossed. i say "taking off my jacket?" doing just that and hanging it up. she replies "with ma" i reply "i'm going to bed with her?" she huffs "you promised us it'd just be us today joel" i sigh "i know. im sorry. but they were a person short on patrols and i had repairs to do over at the canteen area" she asks "when was the last time you two did something? that wasn't you coming home late after breaking your word to her again and going upstairs" a while, regrettably it's been a while. but now these people are starting to actually need me. and the raiders are getting worse and worse and i just want to protect this place. which in turn protects them. she continues "you're losing her joel. i can see it in the way she's not surprised by your absence and is defeated and tired. you're losing her" what? i can't be. if she felt that way she'd tell me. she wouldn't let me have sex with her i bet too. i say "we're fine kid don't worry about it" "you two are not fine joel. she's to herself. more than ever. she needs you to be here joel" she tells me and i nod and say "get some rest kiddo" heading upstairs. i shower the grime of today off of me and head out getting dressed. she's awake. reading. i get into my side of the bed and say "how was your day?" she looks at me oddly "it was okay"

natalina's pov

it's been...i don't know how long since he's even asked that question. or even talked for that matter. he tells me "sorry about not being here today. i'll make it up to you" no he won't. he never does. he's going to be gone again when i wake up and be gone all day. i say "mm" he grabs the book closing it. he says "i will" i nod though i don't believe it "yeah" "im gonna make up for this and all those dinners you worked hard on" he tells me. stroking my cheek. this is the most we've talked. he kisses me. and i let him. he moves on top of me and i let him. he strips us both and then slides into me and i moan and let him. it's all he wants you know. gina knows him better at this point. he's only using you until they take that step. and they will. look at them together.

he grunts "fuck" his face in my neck as his hips snap to mine. my pain blocks out my pleasure in the act. i hold him to me my fingers in his longer hair as i stare at the ceiling. my body pleasured but my mind in agony. i just lay and take it as he takes what he needs from me. it's the only way i can feel close to him. he's going to leave again. and ignore you. brush you off like last week. and go to her

"i love you darlin" he grunts as a tear falls from my eye. i wipe it before he can notice. i kiss him and give a few moans so he doesn't notice something's off. realizing i've been silent for a bit. he returns to my neck kissing it and i hold him like i won't ever again. because he's going to be gone when i wake up. he's going to be with her. all day into the night doing i don't even know what. he doesn't talk. i've tried. he just doesn't. one day maybe soon he'll speak. and it'll break us. and i'll move out with a even worse broken everything and i'll be left with nothing and she'll have my everything. he grunts "cum darlin" i can't with all these feelings on my mind and in my chest. he rubs my clit and i fake it. how can i raise a baby in this? like this? if it's a girl id want her to not accept shit like this. i wish i wouldn't. joel's the first man i've trusted with me. my body. my heart. all of it. it's been just stolen and taken when i ran into bad groups and had to claw my way out but joel's my first. he showed me what love is. he grunts and finishes. he pulls out of me and kisses me "love you" but it doesn't feel like it. he doesn't act like it.

part 2